If She Fall

Part V

The moment I enter the library I saw how peaceful Y/N look while looking outside. The anger within me automatically vanish after seeing her. The pain that was blossoming inside wither as if the seed died before it even have the chance to see its way out. The fire inside me melted in an instant making me question myself on how fast my feeling can switch whenever she is near. I slowly walk my way to her making my face lit up on every step I take. Her radiance soothes me making me forget every darkness I have within me. Her rays reaching me, making me glow.

She slowly turn her head and the sunlight formed a visible halo above her head. Making her look like a vibrant angel. She smiles at me, her eyes forming into a curve line. Y/N, can you always look like this? I want the coldness inside of me to all disappear.

"You look like you see a ghost." Her innocent eyes pierces through me. "Did something happen?"

"Aside from seeing a fallen angel in front of me. None." Her cheeks slightly turned pink.

"Yoongi!" She hiss at me. "Stop flirting! I'll smack your head."

"Then no flat white for, Y/N."

She glares at me while trying to snatch away her flat white on my hand. I raise it above my head making her face turn sour. "You are so annoying you know." I smirk at her making her scowl. "Go drown yourself with coffee and never go to sleep."

"Y/N, it's not like coffee can stop me from falling asleep."

"Oh, shut up." I laugh at her making her scowl more. I notice a paperbag on the chair beside her. My brows furrow while looking at her. "What?"

"Did you have them with you awhile ago?"

"Oh this? My cousin brought this for me." she rummaged around it and bring out some notebooks. "We can use them. I mean the notes written here are connected to my research topic so we can get some ideas. We can finish them before dinner and I'll just compile them later after I get home."

I checked them all one by one and nod my head. "Your cousin do have some interesting ideas written here. Should have ask your cousin for this in the first place."

"I did. That's why we have them. And I want to introduce you to her but she's in a hurry. Maybe because she just arrived last night."

"Arrived? Isn't she from here?"

"She's studying abroad." She put the last notebook on the table and look at me. "She got accepted when she applied for a scholarship. The reason why she left after high school."

"Then she might be smart as hell."

Y/N gave me a faint smile. "She is. Everyone loves her. She's so perfect. And I bet you'll like her as well when you see her." Her eyes look sad for a second but she immediately forced herself to give me a genuine smile. "I'll introduce her to you next time."

"Y/N, I don't need anyone than you." I put down the notebook I am holding and look at her intently. "I don't care if she's perfect. You're the only perfect one for me."

"You'll change your mind when you see her, Yoongi."

"You think I'll wake up this early and exchange my precious sleep for you just to change my mind after seeing someone you think is perfect? Hell, no."

"Yoongi-" she stop when she saw me tilting my head and scrunching my nose at her. She let out a small chuckle and shake his head. "Nevermind. Let's just start working again."

"Good that you think about that one now." I snatch one of the notebooks on her hand and wink at her. "So let's drop this topic and finish this one because you owe me a date in a while."

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[[ Yeongdeungpo-gu, Conrad Seoul, Seoul ]]

"Uhm, Yoongi?" She called me shyly. "Are you sure we're going to eat here?"

"You don't like it here? It's my favourite restaurant."

"I like it as well it has a good view but I don't think the  money I have right now is enough." She said while fidgeting.

I smile at her "Y/N, you think I'll let you pay? I am the one who told you to eat here so I am the one paying."

"But I told you I'll treat you to dinner."

"You can treat me next time. So don't worry about right now. You can order whatever you want."

"You sure?"

"I have a reason to have another meal with you so who am I to complain and say no, right?" She laugh at me and it's like a melody to my ears. "So let's order now because I know how hungry you already are."

"Yoongi. Thank you."

"Y/N, I am just paying for our dinner. You don't have to thank me as if I'll buy this whole restaurant for you."

She hits me playfully while laughing. "It's not the dinner I am talking about!"

"I am just trying to make you laugh. You look bothered awhile ago when we were in the library. Did something happen?"

She sigh and look outside of the window. "Nothing happened. It's just...me." she paused while playing with her fork. "You know that feeling when you see the person who made you inferior after a long time?" I shook my head. "I feel so small awhile ago, Yoongi. It's not that she made me feel that way intentionally. I just feel like I need to be as close as perfect to her. I grew up admiring her, you know, but as time passed by I end up thinking it would be better for her to be gone or for me to be gone. I am so pressured. People around us kept comparing me to her, saying how pretty and bright she is while I am just nothing but a speck. Growing up with her seems like a burden to me. So I was a little bit happy when she decided to study abroad." She looked at me her eyes lost. "Yoongi, I feel so bad thinking about all of this when all she did is take care of me and love me like her own sister."

"There's nothing wrong feeling that way." I lean back on my seat while tapping my fingers for awhile. "I know how suffocating it is to be compared to someone you love and admire so dearly. But sometimes seeing how perfect they are make you question your worth, make you do things to meet or exceed them then being tired, making you blame yourself for being not good enough. Maybe all you have to do is tell them how you feel. Make them understand how hard it is for you to be near her. Make them be aware that you are you and that she is she. Make them know that you two are two different people who have their own strengths and imperfections. It might be hard but at least they'll find out."

"I can't... I am scared. I might disappoint them. I might-"

"Y/N, look at me." I reach for her hand and caress them making her feel she isn't alone and that everything will be okay. "You don't have to be scared. If they love you they will understand. They will accept you, they will hear you out. It's better for them to know how heavy your heart is right now. Don't let it linger inside you for so long and just wait for it to explode. Just let it all out." I squeeze her hand and give her a reassuring smile. "It will all be alright."

She placed her other hand above mine and squeeze them as well while letting out a beautiful smile, her eyes glisten within mine. Making her look like an art. I grip her hand a bit tighter letting her know her existence matter. Even to me.