If She Fall

Part VI

[[ May 16, 2021 - Hannam-dong, Yongsan-gu, Seoul ]]

"Okay. Now talk." Jin hyung pull out a chair and look at me sternly.

"What do you mean talk?" I look at him weirdly. "There's nothing I want to talk about, hyung."

"Yoongi, I can easily tell by just looking at you if there's something bothering you."

"And I am telling you it's nothing." I said while picking up my phone. "It's not like I'll be bother by something or someone easily."

"Oh, right. Like that one moment when you went home drunk after eating dinner with Y/N." He cross his arms and lean back on his chair. "You were mumbling shits that time. And you even mention her name."

My body froze but pretended as if I heard nothing. "I can't remember what you are saying. Nothing really happened." I averted my gaze and pretend I am looking for something. "And why would I mention a name I hate rolling out of my mouth."

"You won't get drunk and breakdown out of nowhere, Yoongi. I might look like a fool sometimes but I am not dumb." His voice become soft. "You know I am always here to listen and I will never judge you. You don't have to be so reserved around me. You can tell anything to me."

I put my phone down again and put my hands above my lap. "I know, hyung. It's just that, I am just confuse and I am not sure how to say it."

"Yoongi, you can say it. Even on how confusing you say it I will understand it all for you. What friend would I be if'll just let you deal with it all alone?" His smile was so radiant that I feel like I am already prepared to blurt out all my hidden emotions. "Just talk."

I close my eyes, take a deep breath and sigh. "I saw her. She is back." I open my eyes and saw how worried hyung is. "She stirred up something inside me. She open the hidden box I tried hiding on the deepest part of myself. It was supposed to be unknown but my demons are slowly crashing, making a stampede inside shaking the lock I used to keep them in place. She still fucking have that key I let her hold a long time ago. I am scared hyung. I am fucking scared for myself."

"But Y/N..." He asked with worry. "Yoongi, how about Y/N?"

"I... I don't know." I pull my hair with so much frustration. "Y/N. She is the one who keeps them in their places. She tamed them just by looking at me. She keeps them calm without putting any effort. Hyung, she is very important to me. I like her. I am sure I am."

"But you are making her feel the opposite by avoiding her on every chance that you'll have. You don't do that to someone you like, Min Yoongi." He seem pissed at me. "Don't you think Y/N deserves to hear what really happened? It might now be a big of a deal but you seem so distant to her after that. You might be hurting her unintentionally by being a selfish dumbass."

"I am not avoiding her." My jaw clench because of annoyance. "You don't know anything so stop pretending like you know what's happening to my fucking life."

"Then tell me what's happening to you! I've been asking you multiple times but you keep changing the fucking topic!" His voice raise an octave making me flinch a little. "And just so you know you are avoiding her." He said looking at me disappointedly. "Even you, yourself, aren't aware of it. Remember when we saw her last Wednesday? She was calling you and you pretended you didn't hear anything and went the other direction. Now tell me you aren't avoiding her." I bow my head and play with my fingers. "If you just saw how dejected her face was you'll punch yourself."

"Hyung, I didn't mean to do that one. I just don't know what to do." I put my hands on my face and harshly rubbed it while letting out a sigh. "It's so complicated right now."

"Yoongi, I am not asking you to shed your skin to her completely. All I am asking is for you to keep her on track. You don't tell someone you like her then get lost after making her feel comfortable around you."

"I'll talk to her, hyung. I swear I will. I just need some time."

"How much time do you need for you to make her feel she is important like before? You've been acting strange for awhile now and you keep shutting us all out again."

"I just don't want to be a bother to anyone, hyung. I don't want all of you to feel burden because of how confuse I am with my life. I want to fix them on my own. I don't want to drag you and the others with my problems."

"So what kind of friend would I be if I let you struggle on your own? What kind of a friend are we if we just watch and let you pick up your broken self while bleeding all alone? Yoongi, we are always here with you and it sometimes too offending that you keep neglegting us everytime we try to reach out."

"I know. But I am just like this. I tend to let everything bottled up inside me and let it consume me then move on."

"I know. We know. You are as complicated as that." A small smile slowly forming on his lips. "But it is us or nothing at all. Remember that."

----

I feel how cold my hands were. I softly knocked on the door and see how my hand trembles. I hear her voice saying to wait. The door clicked open showing her.

"Hey, Y/N." I said with a faint smile.

"Hey." She smile at me and I want to breakdown at that very moment. I feel so tired. Fuck. I am literally tired. "What brings you here?" Her voice full of worry.

"Can we talk? I-" I close my eyes and take a deep breath. "I want to tell you something."

She nods her head and open her door wide for me to enter. I enter her apartment and sit in front of her. She looks calm yet bothered.

"Y/N. I saw her." She looks at me confused. As if I said something out of reality.

"You saw who?"

"My first love."

Y/N, you mean the world to me and I hope you'll still understand me after hearing everything.