You promised

chapter 14

No matter how much i tried sleeping i kept tossing and turning trying to make out what Muzi had said , my mind had began making up worst case scenarios, everything started not making sense , why were his both marriages never worked, Muzi was 14 and Sthandile was 13 , Muzi's mother died when he was 5 from what he has told me ,i began trying to piece things together but that didn't make anything, Shaka was capable of murder that i knew but was he cruel that he could kill his wife , what happened to his ex that made her end up in mental institution, was i exactly safe with this man, i didn't know how long I've been up thinking until the door opened, the man of the hour was the one ,he took off his watch first before clothes and came to bed.

"Why are you up at this hour,i thought you asleep by now" he said my eyes couldn't leave his face ,how can a man so good looking and have everything be so cruel, he brushed his nose sniffing before thinning his eyes. "Why those eyes, Muzi got to you didn't he" he said sitting up, i did the same releasing a sigh.

"Why do you say that" i asked him folding my arms on my chest , i was only on my underwear and it was weird with this man besides me.

"Because i know Muzi, look whatever he said don't listen to him he just..." he sighs rubbing his head sighing like he was carrying the world.

"What's going on , why would your son lie about you" i asked him he rubbed both his hands together.

"Me and Muzi don't see eye to eye we have never did before , he blames me for her mother's death and yeah myself too i equally blame myself i contributed in that situation" pain flashed in his eyes "he was 5 yet he never forgave me, not that i expect him too, that changed his whole life" he adds.

"Did you kill her" i asked stupidly, he was either a really good actor or the death of his first wife hit him hard seeing the pain in his face.

"What no ofcause not, Muzi's mother committed suicide with Muzi in the other room, i wasn't even in the house at that moment i only got a call from the neighbor's telling me to come home immediately, my wife was hanging from the ceiling and guess who found her , Muzi ofcause do you think a child can ever be the same after finding their parent like that" he said my heart sank i can't even begin to imagine how muzi felt at that time. "Few months prior to the incident my wife was pregnant we were excited for our third baby, yes she had accepted Sthandile there i know i messed up , the one time i cheated on her that happened, it was the first and last time that happened i was drunk and that mistake happen, anyway moving on she gave birth to our second born ,he was the most beautiful human ever unfortunately when we took him home everything changed, he couldn't breath when we woke up the next day he was dead the was no pulse on him and we lost him " he says clasping his hands together "that's the reason,that's why she killed herself i thought she was coping and everything continued normal i dealt with my pain the way a man does but she suffered in silence, i was wrong she wasn't coping and after everything she gave up  and left us , she left a meaningless letter for Muzi to read when he is older i still hadn't gathered stregth to give muzi that letter" he said before looking at me suppressing his pain and tears because his eyes were red.

"And Sthandile's mother what happened to her"i asked trust me i didn't want to do this now but i needed answers.

"Drugs happened, she now sometimes is delusion and a danger to herself or those around her sometimes she is normal, i have nothing on that , i don't know where i went wrong but she started cheating ignoring her own daughter and spending time with her boyfriend doing drugs and everything went downwards, she started harming herself physically and i had no option but to get her admitted" he shrug his shoulders, yeah look at me with those eyes, hate ,trust me i hate myself too, for accusing a man but you cannot blame me he isn't exactly innocent, all now i want is to rest and end this day ,the has been a whole lot revelations for today , before i grasp on the reality around me the man who was sleeping next to me stands up, i watch as he light up yet again and ramage through the drawers of the wardrobe coming out with an envelope , he sighs looking at it before coming handing it to me,i shake my head no to him.

"Please" he says before i take it, my curiosity getting the better of me "this was the letter she left me before anything" he says my eyes roam around before sighing loudly.

'Dear my love

Am sorry that i had to hurt you so much, am sorry that i did this to you but i had to , i wasn't as strong as you, i wasn't able to cope after everything, days , nights i question myself ,i question whether what had i done in this world to deserve such cruelty God did to us, nights i stay awake as his beautiful face hunts me, the nightmares that keeps me awake wondering what i could've done better, one moment we were the happiest people in the whole world, excited that our second happiness was about to land, i saw the excitement on your face and another moment he was gone, i held him with my arms ,i held him on my hand as i saw the replica of yourself in him, and his peaceful , i tried getting over everything but i couldn't i know it was selfish of me to take the easy way out but it was the only way , you know am not a women of many words but know i love you, i love you so much , don't blame yourself because this isn't your fault or anyone's, take care of Muzi, he is fragile and love him enough for the both of us i left a letter for him , please give him when he is old enough to understand'  i put the letter onto the bed before turning to look at him, unintentionally i open my arms hugging him, suprising the both of us, these revelations somehow made me look at him differently, from the a criminal murderer to a single dad who had been trying to raise his kids as a signle father, that can't be easy ,a man who had been through so much.

"Am sorry" i say pulling away ,my apology as honest as it can be, he nods his head at me before motioning we should sleep, i don't hesitate , am shocked when am scooped into his arms and pulled into his warm chest, it takes a moment before i get over the shook , his grip is tighter on my waist.

"Relax would you i won't do anything to your pretty ass " he said at my stiff self in his arms "yet" he added.