You promised

chapter 40

My mind cannot fathom everything , they keep dwelling on everything i had learned, every information that came to light today, i can feel my heart beating erratically as it makes different scenarios in my head , the man i thought i knew the past 6 months isn't the man i know really everything he has told me so far was a lie or half truth as he says, my mind went back to my baby, the pregnancy he didn't want was he the one who terminated the pregnancy was did he use his connection as becca said ,she had everyone on his pay roll, i released a huge sigh as the door opened ,he walked in alone looking rather handsome as he always do, he made zulu culture look attractive, if i didn't know the type of person he was i would have fallen on his feet licking his feet and finding him attractive, he gave me a smile brushing my cheek.

"I assumed we needed talking plus the kids went to their friends place apparently the is a party" he said shrugging his shoulders.

"What do you mean talk ,what exactly do we need to talk about "i said lowly ,as much as i acted stronger he terrified the living out of me, I've known him enough the past 2 months.

"Why you went to see Rebecca and why you went to the doctor " he says knowing exactly what "let me guess she bad named me while am nothing as she says i am" he says i sigh loudly.

"You killed her child" i say as i felt tears sting my eyelids , he blinks like nothing is wrong "she miscarried because of the drugs" i add feeling the tears rolling down my eyes. "Did you do the same with mine" i say my voice shakingly.

"Yes" he says plainly, i felt my legs wobbly threatening to fail me, i held onto the counter for support.

"Why, why would you take a part of me away, why would you do this to me i wouldn't even bother you, i would have left with my child and you would never see me again" i say he took few steps forward i froze shaking as he finally approached me, i flinched closing my eyes when he cupped my cheek.

"Why would i want you to leave, you mine Ntokazi i paid for you, i do what i want when i want and how i want it" he said kissing my cheek and walking out, she was right the were only two options of leaving this place, how cruel one can be, i still get nightmares, the night hunts me that i can never leave him and i can never be with someone else , it hunts me that i took part in someone's death ,just like that he leaves me numb, i felt my gut twisting as i threw up the contents of food i had earlier on the floor, looking at my phone i knew he wouldn't answer Gatsha my now bestfriend was angry at me and i was miserable dying on the inside little by little the man took a part of me daily, i was a confident women once upon a time and now i was dead inside i had no point of living and the sacrifice i took went in vein,my feet propel me as i grabbed his gun under the pillow before walking back to the kitchen, I grabbed my phone on the counter dialing his numbers, i could feel the tears that running down my eyes burning my cheeks repeartedly.

"Hey" he said plainly no tint of happiness visible on his voice, this was weird phone call between me and my brother, i wiped the tears off my face.

"I love you" i said looking at the gun on my hand "i love you Gatsha and i wished you knew how much i look up to you ,i wished you knew how much you mean to me you not just my brother, you were right someday mom and dad will leave this place and we have the obligation of keeping it afloat but i don't think i can make it, i don't think I'll be able to support you side by side but i know Thandokazi, i might have never met her but from what i heard she is a good women, she loves you and is going to support you throughout i hope you forgive me Gatsha, yes you right ma taught me better than this , ma taught me to fight for myself but not when you married to a murfer himself am stuck with him but atleast not forever i hope one day you forgive me " i said wiping the tears repeatedly.

"Liyana i hope you not doing what i think you going to do" i smile before dropping the call not wanting to hear more i ring my father looking at the door i can still hear the shower running.

"MaNkosi" he answers on the first ring i smiled brightly at how he called me.

"I lied baba..." i say sniffing "i lied about the bursary baba truth is i came here and did everything i was told not to do, i started hanging out with wrong group and everything went bad, i didn't marry the man because i love him but because of the advantages of the marriage " i say " i love you both baba always know that, all i ever wanted was to please you, to make all of you happy when i didn't i was ashamed to come home, you have been the best parents anyone can ever ask for ,if given the chance i would choose you over and over again as my parents, i want you both knowing i love you baba, tell Phila and langa i love them, so much" i sigh before dropping the call ignoring as the multiple calls coming in, not only from Gatsha or baba but now from my mother too and Mongameli, i ignored both all those calls.