You promised

chapter 11

"Liyana" my mother's voice boomed on my ears awakening me from my sleep, outside it indicates that its already morning "you about to get married yet you sleep till the sun is out" she says opening the curtains, am tired i only slept a minute ago because I've stayed awake with the boys and them telling me about their girlfriends, and Gatsha has a girlfriend yeah they came back for the weekend, his girlfriend was 5 weeks pregnant but Gatsha was afraid of telling dad ofcause and he kept it a secret i don't know till when he would while Mongameli well him and Langa are just playing around Phila on the other hand is a committed man to his girlfriend, amongst the boys only Gatsha and Phila who are great and trustworthy, Langa seems worse than Mongameli , his been changing girls like underwear, different everyday, Mongameli and Gatsha shared one of the outside room, and Langa with phila shares the other.

"5 more minutes" i say turning away from the curtains but my mother yanks the blanket off the bed i groan getting up. "Why am i being woken at this time of the morning ma" i ask she rolls her eyes before telling me to get up because dad wants to see me, i already know why it's because of the issue where i had said am going to Joburg for few days to sort some stuff before the Maphumulo family comes ,the letter had arrived about 2 days ago they said they coming the next weekend on Saturday , i can't believe in just a week I'll be someone's wife i mean a whole wife, as much as my heart had a purpose to do what i was doing now i just wasn't sure whether i was willing to spend the rest of my life with a man i didn't love, a man i didn't even fantasize being with, the past three weeks I've been home he hasn't exactly been a monster and yet again he hasn't exactly been kind, I've learned that he was naturally cold but he did check on me once or twice to make sure i was okay, i didn't buy it ,he was checking if our deal was still existing. Besides the fact that the man who was to be my husband demanded i return so we can discuss things before the negotiations i wanted to see Noni before everything and we can talk face to face ,we haven't spoke in a week and she was angry at me i regret what i had said but she too had stoop so low to get her point across and we needed to talk because i appreacited her opinion she was my best friends after all.

"Baba you wanted to see me" i asked as i settle next to him, he is drinking his morning tea, he never leaves without those.

"Yeah i wanted to talk to you" he says settling properly folding his legs looking at me , i can feel that things about to get serious "the first time you came here Liyana you promised me you will work hard for your dream to come true but it doesn't seem that way" he says placing his hand on my leg.

"And i don't make promise's i don't keep baba ,as I've said before that will become a reality" i respond assuring him, he sighs.

"It's not that am not happy about my only daughter getting married but gone are the days women stay home and become house wives,i want you even if unfortunate things happen at your marital home to be able to know you not stuck there ,you have your own things to , and also baby if things don't go okay you have a place here at home , that 'kuyabekezelwa emshadweni' thing was in the old centuries now if he isn't treating you like the queen you are you leave" he says i smile nodding my head at the man in front of me ,the only men in life who can truly love me for me and not even try to change who i am , i may have dissappointed him in the past but from heroin I'll always make him the proudest father alive , that much i promise.

"Although i am dissappointed in you MaNkosi, am dissappointed that you took this step first before sorting yourself out first, am willing to do anything to help you with your studies MaNkosi, i really don't mind but you taking this decision only limits us to certain things, i don't want you staying in abusive marriage in the name of you owe him after everything he did for you, i don't want you staying in loveless marriage because you feel you owe him" he says sighing again. "Am not saying don't do what you want to make us happy, no we the parents here we sacrife for your happiness not the other way around, but i just want you to be sure of this decision you taking " he says i look on the floor unable to utter anything back to my father , for the first time i can't, no not because i can't but because i myself am not sure of the decision am taking, this is a lifetime decision not something i can do for few days when i get tired of it i can throw it away.

"Am sure baba" i finally utter after weighing my options utterly truth nothing less, i cannot give my parents this burden, trying to help me means them sacrificing important things in their lives which i cannot allow.

"Good then" he smiles down at me "you remind me of uGogo yazi" he smiles at me blinking a couple of times the tears "we had hope we'll have another girl, your mother wasn't satisfied about the amount of girls we have or shoupd i say girl ,after 4 boys we draw the line , we weren't meant to have girls clearly, you just our miracle " baba says before he catches the one tear rolling down his eyes, before i had left baba never seized a moment to remind me how much of a miracle i was ,after 3 miscarriages mom finally had a successful pregnancy , i was born at 6 months , yeah 6 months ,baba used to tell me i was as little as his hand after i was born mama had successful pregnancies the 4 boys he has are full term. "I wish i could spend more time with you, no parents want to let their baby girl go ever" he says wiping another tear ,i blink mine away.

"Promise me you'll always remember home Liyana, promise this wouldn't be the last time, i won't sit here saying good bye for the last time and you dissappear leaving us heartbroken again" he says i hold his hands tightly.

"I promise baba, am sorry that i left without even thinking about you both, am sorry for breaking your hearts baba" i say he nods his head at me.

"It's okay MaNkosi" he sighs not letting my hands leave his embrace. "It's even harder than the first time to let you go" he says opening his arms before i hug him "am growing MaNkosi, am no longer quite younger than i was years ago and i need all my children close to me" he says murmuring lowly.