You promised

chapter 32

After months, months of pain, months of slowly slipping myself into depression , and month's of not seeing my family am finally here, the brightest smile Gatsha had onto his face as he sees me holding tightly to my weekend bag , within waiting a moment for me to approach him he half runs to where am standing holding me tightly onto a hug , he is the only one who knew i was coming but i wanted to suprise the rest.

"Liya" he says engulfing me into a hug i do the same, even though we haven't seen each other a long time but we've pretty much became close, the past few months he became my best friend, i felt like i was betraying my friend but slowly i was letting him go.

"Hey" i say before we pull apart, he chuckles softly sizing me up and down before kissing my cheek, his arm drapped around my shoulder he is a little taller than me.

"Look at you, you look great you've grown a little inch you almost my size" he says laughing i rolled my eyes because he was mocking me, walking home wasn't an issue, we took stroll while my bag was drapped around his arm, we passed by the shops, with constantly him teasing me and updating me about what is happening around the area, even the fact that people are questioning him why he still here yet he is a lawyer ,in just the 15 minutes walk I've heard everything from this neighborhood and how Thandokazi was driving him crazy he couldn't wait till he gave birth, she wasn't here now though due to school ,they were doing long distance now he would to visit her every weekend.

"Hawu Liyana why didn't you tell us you coming, maRhadebe buka sivakashelwa ubani nam'hlanje"(MaRhadebe look who visited us today) my father shouted stopping what he was doing, my mother came from behind the house ,wiping her hands off the water dripping on them ,she broke into a smile before enveloping me in a hug, my dad did the same too.

"Hawu Liyana ngabe ushile uyeza bengizokuphekela ukudla okumnandi"(You should have told us you coming i would have  cooked you a special meal) she said already leading me inside the house. "Gatsha you should have told us , you must be tired I'll prepare you something to eat and fix the bed" she said i smiled placing my hand over her shoulder.

"Ma i literally took a flight to here , just 45 minutes flight and just 1 hour drive here am not tired" i say but does she listen no, she slready walking around the kitchen preparing me something to eat, Phila comes out excited to see me too, Langa is currently at school because matrics attend even on weekends. After pampering me up ma leaves saying she wants to finish up her washing, baba sends Gatsha and Phila to go buy a coldrink.

"Gatsha told me about the child" baba says ,inviting tears onto my eyes, it's still a raw scar coming home i just want to heal ,i want to escape the whole reality of my life and just me the child my parents birthed not the adult who has endless problems to face , i think adulthood should have a manual to prepare us.

"I don't want to talk about it baba" i say he pats his side so i can come settle besides him, he has a sad smile on his face , brushing my arm he smiles looking at me.

"How are you" he asked , how am i , i don't know myself "unjani Liyana "(How are you Liyana) he repeats ,i feel tears burning my eyelids, when last had someone ask how i am, a genuine question so they can find out how i am not just to start a conversation.

"Angazi baba"(i don't know dad) i say before they roll down "i don't know how am suppose to feel baba ,i don't know if am required to be happy seeing i didn't want the child in the first place or i should sad, i was carrying the child in my womb baba and just like that i lost it, i feel like i caused this, i feel like i gotten my wish seeing i didn't want the child ,am numb baba i don't know how i feel i don't know if am required to be sad , every emotion i feel ,i feel betrayal no matter which one" i say wiping the tears raising my head to look at him he smiles at me wiping my tears with his finger.

"The isn't requirement on how to grieve, the isn't a way you have to because you were and still is the mother, you might have never gotten to hold him/her but embrace the little time god trusted you to hold him/her , everything has a reason yaya ka baba we just need to allow ourselves to open our heart, when everything gets hard kneel down and pray yezwa, god is here, he hears and he heals allow him to heal don't hold back use your own pace don't rush healing. God said those who trust in him, he shall provide, don't doubt him no matter what " he says before bringing me to his shoulder.