You promised

chapter 22

The room gets filled with awkwardness when i enter the dining room, the laughter dies down, Shaka's mother glares at me am in no mood for her at this point, Shaka is the first to stand up seeing me , he evaluates my body like am injured.

"Are you okay" he is panicking again , i keep quite nodding my head at him he drops his shoulders "are you hungry" he asked i shook my head at him.

"Ofcause you not you couldn't be when you lock yourself in the room what does your husband eat" my mother in law remarks i keep quite, if i open my mouth I'll spew out nonsense.

"Ma not now please" Shaka says putting me at arms length. "Ntokazi you haven't eaten in 3 days please eat something, two spoon the least" he begs i look at his children the look of pity in their eyes has my eyes already yet again watering up, i refuse to cry ,i thought the tears had dried up but i guess i was wrong, i don't think i can eat anything my stomach is in knots at this moment, i fear eating anything would just make me throw up, it has been a week since losing my best friend , although it was hard i had to accept it, i kept getting endless calls from her so called friend wanting to know if it was true , they weren't really her friends just people she were with, they disappear as soon as she was in trouble, and my so called friends that i hadn't talked to in a while were quick to call also, i had to even inform her aunt who had been distant also , who loved her from distance, from what i had learned she couldn't take her in because her she was then married with kids of her own , Noni had said she didn't care about her no one in her family did.

"Okay" i said sitting down, he was like a child who had been giving candy, in his mind i would change my mind as he was quick to run around dishing for me, we shared the bed everyday but  i hadn't even said words to him in days, Muzi gave me a smile.

"Aunt Liya do you need something, i can do anything you want or need" Muzi said he was sweeter, i gave him a smile, i looked horrible i knew that , i even had cut my hair, i gave myself an haircut out of frustration and now looking at my hair i regret it.

"It's okay Muzi am fine, I'll surely tell you when i need something " i said before taking exactly two spoons and my stomach reacted , i wouldn't lie the food was amazing i finished the plate in time before pushing it the sink, i grab the bottle of water i had originally came for walking back to the room, i wouldn't give the women who was making remarks about me satisfaction she wanted to get, immediately when i arrived in my room Shaka budged in following me.

"Hey can we talk" he said settling me down, this would be the first Christmas without my best friend ,it had always been us, and now in two week it would be Christmas without her.

"Sure" i said sitting besides him, he took my hand in his brushing it, he had been a lot affectionate the past few days suprising myself and himself too.

"Look i get you hurting, you mourning right now but reading the letter i think your friend wanted you to arrange the funeral" he says he was right, i even forgot about informing him of anything, i guess i get self absorbed sometimes.

"I already have, knowing her she wanted a close thing, i have total 20 guest who i know will attend the problem now is her family, they fighting for her to be buried in kzn in their family homestead but i won't allow them, people who abandoned her when she was mere 16 years old, she had to raise herself and try by all means to make ends meet ,now that she is dead they want to show their love suddenly appearing from nowhere telling me family matters don't concern me" i said getting worked up by what her aunt had said, she even had audacity to tell me what they do to their niece didn't concern me.

"I get you and i understand that you've known her your whole life, but traditionally we don't do that ntokazi" he said cupping my face in his palms.

"I know that but why do i have to put her with people who wanted nothing to do with her, had they been here before noni wouldn't be here, you don't know half of shit noni went through, am talking about rape, abuse and whole lot and now they think they have opinion in her life they don't " i say as the tears roll down my eyes, down my cheeks.

"And i know you pissed off right now, but your friend deserve to be where her ancestors are don't you feel she should be next to her parents" my heart sank, i didn't want her away from me, i wanted her close so i could visit her , it was hard enough accepting her death, my mind kept picturing different scenarios that i knew wouldn't happen, i kept thinking about how her daughter/ son she would have, i don't know how many times i called hoping she would answer but kept getting the same answer over and over again ,her voicemail. "I know it's hard Ntokazi, i know its hard accepting everything now but i promise you will be okay" he said bringing me to his chest, i buried my face into his chest, stifling my cries he let me be rubbing my arm "It's going to be okay" he murmured against my head.