You promised

chapter 28

2 hours the man who left slamming the door behind him finally returns, he still very much angry at whatever that made him this fuming, his chest rapidly moving up and down and he is clunching the phone so tightly.

"Can i make you something to eat" i asked him not daring to turn and look at him in the eye but he grasp my body so tightly pulling me towards him, his mouth gently yet hungrily kissing my neck while his hands connect with my panties under the dress ,i feel his zipper before he shifts the panties to the side slamming himself deeper in me and violently i gasp immediately at that.

"Fuck" he groans burying his head on my neck, his warm breath making a shiver ran through my spine straight to my Clint, pulling my ass towards him he starts violently yet cautiously moving his fingers flipping my clint i moan in pleasure immediately at that feeling him poking that one spot that has me at his mercy, i grasp at the counter trying to dig my nails in while continuously moaning his name, i can feel myself nearing before my organism hits me hard and has my knees shaking, he slams himself a couple more times before digging dipper his fingers digging on my love handles before he falls apart too breathing so harshly.

"Sex with you is amazing I've never enjoyed it so much with anyone but you" he says kissing my forehead at that before organising himself , he pushes me at arms length, his fingers pulling me to look at him in the eye.

"I know you see me as a horrible person with no emotions but i promise am not, i just worry about you and want to do everything in my power to protect you, you know too, you know that the world we live in is a dangerous place for a women had it been my decision i would lock you up in a tower and protect you from the outside world ,i love you yezwa" he says pulling me into his chest brushing my back , his heart now rhythmically beating. "Am not ready for a child Ntokazi because am afraid what if something happens to you , as much as it's not a dangerous job that i have i still have enemies, enemies staking out and waiting for me to fall on my knees, i myself didn't get in this job fairly i stepped on few toes now what if you birth a child and something happens to you, am not ready to be a single father again, am not ready to fail another child " he says clunching me so tightly i can hear the serenity in his voice, his tone he was either telling the truth or very good actress which he isn't because he is a straight fprward person, my heart leaps immediately on my throat he said he loves me or was my hearing not as good as i remember it to be.

"What if you wrong on this maybe it's your chance at this fatherhood thing, perhaps you can fix your mistakes" i say he shook his head immediately at me not even wanting to hear what i had to say more, his body shaking i was suprised by this emotion he was showing.

"It's a risk am not willing to take Ntokazi, i tried fathering Muzi yet it didn't work i tried with Sthandile it ended with one hating another and Sthandile slowly hating me to because of her mother instilling hate on her mind, Sthandile only sees her mother okay and i should get her out but she hasn't seen Rebecca fully, when she takes 10 steps ahead she takes 50 behind again and now she doesn't want to speak with me because she feels i took someone to replace her mother, am not meant for this fatherhood shit" he says pulling away composing himself like he wasn't giving out emotions a minute ago.

"This never happened " he says walking away from me going to the bedroom before he turns back again. "Actually am hungry" he says not looking up at me but taking out his phone to concentrate on whatever his doing i warm up the food on the microwave.

"Who was on the phone earlier you didn't want me speaking to" i ask seeing the mood is better than the one past few days ago he looks at me for a minute before focusing on the phone again.

"Rebecca " he says dismissive that i don't ask anymore questions, Rebecca as in his mentally ill wife or ex wife , i want to ask but hold myself, the words he said earlier linger on my mind did he mean them or was he just says , was it a spur of a moment because that was the very first time he uttered those words, and the fact i understood his concerns but again wasn't it unfair i had no say in the child i was carrying, his concerns were fairly understandable but what if his concerns just don't happen, what if he would be a great father, what if it's his chance to fix himself up.

"You were attacked today" he says i furrow my eyebrows at him immediately "you didn't even realise that's how ignorant of your surroundings you are, someone died today and that was meant for you" he continues "so please don't bond with the child we not keeping you making things harder than they already are, you think it's easy for myself that i have to turn my back on my own flesh and blood, a child i equally made, the reason why I've been careful with the morning afters everytime is to avoid this, am not an emotional person Ntokazi you won't see me showing people my vulnerability because they take advantage of that, Will go legal route don't worry about that abortion is legal" he says pointing at my hand that is on my abdominal am confused at what he said but he doesn't give me enough information but turns to his phone , i take out the food on the micro oven handing it to him he thanks me before putting the phone down and eating the food like a caveman who has been starving for ages.

"Someone today told me everything happens for a reason , instead of dwelling in the past why not move on and enjoy what is given" i say looking at him eating "yes you a man, yes you a zulu man your muscularity is important, yes viewing you as the man of the house is important but Maphumulo you need someone to talk to , to let go off these emotions you bottle up inside otherwise you won't truly be happy in life you'll always be miserable "i say before turning on my heels and walk away with his sperms running down my legs.