You promised

chapter 43

Gatsha holds tightly my shoulder bringing me closer to him as we exit the court, am not in any mood for everything that is happening, i glanced at Sthandile who has a venomous look on her face matching her grandmother's face muzi has a neutral face , the two brothers Shaka was anything but close to them are glaring at me and his sister who has fake tears in her eyes, a lump forms on my throat as i look away from them following behind my Mother and brother, today was the bail hearing and because i had handed myself in the wasn't any problem for me to await trial at home, Shaka's family obviously was here to witness the trial. As much as i had defended myself Shaka was a monster but he still was the father to those people and i couldn't imagine how they felt, Muzi who was now an orphan because of me. The drive to the hotel was long and tiring because of my thoughts going wild , my mother held me tightly she hadn't even heard a single word from me since she arrived unfortunately my father couldn't come with because well the boys are still at school as old as they are they couldn't be left alone.

"Do you want something to eat" Gatsha asked i shook my head they held me so delicately like I'll break, treating me like I've been in jail for 20 years while i was just in holding cell.

"Am fine"i said, its suprising how much the past few days i couldn't stomach anything , every food i tried to stomach ended up on the floor , my stomach was just in knots well because my mind had expirienced trauma twice and every moment i looked at my hands i could still see his blood on them, i could still smell it, every moment i closed my eyes all i saw was his face lying in the pool of blood it was too much for one i couldn't find peaceful sleep anymore.

"Can we talk" my lawyer said, Gatsha's boss was very much kind to say the least not only did he give me and my mother accommodation my case was probono although i saw no point in this i wasn't stupid i knew no matter what jail was were i would end up being in.

"Is everything going to be okay, Liyana was defending herself" my mother said convincing the lawyer who nodded her heard without needing convincing.

"I understand that but Mrs Maphumulo..." i cringed at the mention of that surname "my apologies Miss Nkosi had option to report Mr Maphumulo to the police and let law takes its part but she didn't, the body was digged up and we've found Mr Zulu nothing is linking to him , both your witness cannot testify because Miss Rebecca according to law she isn't in state to do that as she is deemed to be mentally ill and Mr Muzi cannot either because he still a minor unless Miss Rebecca's doctor confess he has been faking the diagnosis which i find highly impossible seeing not only will he lose his job but his license too then the is nothing we can do , this is getting tricky by the minute the prosecutor will make it seem you did it for personal gain or reasons but by no means will work through this , if not we can get lesser years maybe 6 to 10 years maybe " she said i felt numb, although i expected it ,it didn't mean it hurted any lesser, i could already imagine my life in prison, it's funny how our justice system worked didn't it

"But she didn't do anything wrong what was she suppose to do" my mother said as tears ran down her eyes , she knew too that no matter what i would go to jail the wasn't escaping.

"We know that Mrs Nkosi but the problem is proving that Mr Maphumulo was abusive if the were medical reports to prove it or previous case then it would make my job easy but now its the plaintiff's words against the defendant the isn't much to work with" she says i nod my head before Gatsha engulfed me in a bear hug, the reason why i loved him , he understood me , at this moment i was living a horror vision of my life all i wanted was to go to a slumber of never waking up, would things  had been different had i not took that gun and shot him but myself instead, the problem was i was too much of a coward to take my own life , if i wasn't i would have done that the minute i became homeless, the minute i walked a mile just to beg, the minute i had to hustle for my next meal but i didn't because of my corwadiness if that's even a word existing in the dictionary.

"Can we not make this a public case, i want to confess and the judge gives vendict"i asked wiping the tears that manage to fall from my eyes she looked at me sadly.

"Unfortunately not the Family is hell bent on dragging your name through the mud and the prosecutor too wants to make an example out of you, this country is fighting for GBV and mostly people focus on the womens and when a man cries out their cries aren't taken too seriously unlike women and the prosecutor wants to make example of you because of that i must warn you he is willing to drag you down" she says sighing loudly like she is physically tired. "I hate to be the one giving out the bad news but we have to be realistic i don't want to promise you anything "she says i nod my heard Gatsha kisses my forehead brushing my back.

"You'll be okay "he says i can't help but break down at the simple words from him ,they feel bitter on my mouth.

"Okay gatsha , where is your god now mama, where is your God when i need him so desperately, like always he will disappoint me in the name of 'everything happens for a reason' is the a problem with me mama , is the a reason why god doesn't love me, am i not praying enough "i say before storming out.