You promised

chapter 44

The case didn't need dragging around seeing i was admitting to be guilty, it had been a month since the case had been ongoing today was finally the decision making, even though we all were praying deep down we all knew the outcomes atleast i had already accepted the outcomes that would come out, i had already accepted my life as a jailbird for the rest of my life ,as much as it hurt the minute i saw him in cold blood i think my heart had made peace with the fact i was going to jail.

"Everything will be okay" My mother said the words were meant for her more than me, she was trying to convince herself more than she was convincing me, she knew nothing will be okay.

"That's not true ma" i uttered at her shaking my head immediately she sigh loudly as i turned looking at her. "Am a big girl ma, i can take care of myself don't you dare worry about me " i said cupping her face she shook her head as tears rolled down her eyes.

"It's not fair, it's not fair that you defended yourself and they painted all this like you had motive on killing him the law is one messed up thing" she says sobbing, i brushed her hair calming her down , as much as i was portraying this big girl panties ,this strong women i myself was scared, i was scared of the life that awaited me behind those cells, what if i never saw the light of day ever again, today everyone of my family was here to listen to the outcome of the case, originally i think we all knew what would happen and deep down it was a way of them coming to say goodbye, the boys were missing school, Mongameli was lucky because he was on study leave so he made it.

"MaNkosi..." my father said entering the room I've been sitting in with my mother, i smiled as ma left giving us space , he sigh dropping his shoulders "ngiyaxolisa MaNkosi, ngiyaxolisa angibanga ubaba lo omdingayo, ngiyaxolisa ngikwenze uzizwe ngathi mele usebenze nzima ukungenza ngiy'qhenye ngawe, ngiyaxolisa ngokuk'phoxa"(am sorry MaNkosi, am sorry i wasn't the father you needed ,am sorry that i made you feel like you have to prove yourself so i can be proud of you, am sorry i failed you) tears rolled my eyes i shook my head.

"Awungiphoxanga baba"(you didn't fail me) i said holding his hands tightly in mine, "am the one who took the decision of getting married to him" i said he shook his head cupping my face he wiped the tears falling from my eyes.

"You took that decision to prove yourself to me" he said dropping his eyes "am sorry i didn't teach you about your worth from young age, am sorry i failed protecting you from a man ,when i first held you in my arms that's exactly what i promised myself I'll do, protect you from any men out there and i didn't do exactly that and that's my fault , i had a job to protect you" he said as i pushed my head in his shoulder, i knew the wasn't convincing him, he believed it was his fault while it wasn't but mine, i married a leopard knowing his spots exactly.

"We have to go" Gatsha said , you could see how this thing was eating him alive i nodded standing up and so did my father he held my hand as we walked out i smiled at Gatsha.

"You did everything you could do" i said to him hoping he doesn't beat himself up too, the drive to court was filled with pure silence, we all engulfed in our thoughts, the media hadn't failed showing up the past few weeks of the case, Gatsha held me tightly pressing my body with his as we went inside.
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"After very much hearing the case and evidence presented against the plantiff, seeing the isn't much evidence that the plantiff did what she did as to defend herself the isn't much evidence presented therefore the plantiff is found guilty of culpable homocide ,the plantiff is therefore sentenced to life imprisonment with possibility of parole after 5 years "the judge finally closed her statement i didn't hear anything he said only that statement that stood out, my brain zoned out after that , it was it, my life down the drain like that, 25 whole years in jail.

"Nonsense she shouldn't be even allowed parole" i raised my heard at the person who shouted it was non other than my ex mother in law , the judge sent a glare her way, my mother's wailing filled my ears and the most horrifying sound i had ever came, it became glued on my mind , making a lump form on my throat, i didn't want to cry, i wouldn't cry that much i told myself.