"You've been arrested for twenty different things?!" I screamed as I walked into Eric's room, knowing his friends were here, including Kenny.
"What the fuck are you on about?" I pulled a Police report up on my phone.
"Murder by Proxy, attempted murder, vandalism, assault, false police report, cannibalism, kidnapping?!" Kenny's friends stared at him for a moment.
"Those can be explained-" Stan shook his head with a smile and a low chuckle.
"Violation of the firearms law, breaking and entering, underage smoking and or drug abuse, blackmailing, arson!" Kyle stared at Kenny in surprise by these ones that the group hadn't heard before. "Prostitution, paedophilia? What the fuck...? Paedophilia, really? Okay, um..." I shook my head with a sigh. "Vigilantism, underage...oral...sex? Indecent exposure...fraud...Civil unrest..." I looked up from my phone, staring at Kenny in mortified surprise. "What in the actual fuck, Kenny?"
"In my defence, half of those aren't true." I locked my phone, sucking on my teeth.
"You were nine!"
"Yeah? And at nine, I was messing with grenades, what's your point?" He finally sat up in the desk chair, which seemed to be his preferred space in Eric's room. "Cartman's been arrested for worse things."
"Oh? Like what?" I looked over to my cousin, who had already begun listing the offences.
"Child pornography, theft, false evidence, rape-" my eyes widened and I stared at him. "Fraud, torture, child abuse, animal abuse, resisting arrest, B&E, piracy, medical terrorism, war crimes, terrorism, unlicensed surgery, kidnapping, hate crimes..." He thought for a moment, squinting and sucking his cheek. "Arson, graverobbing, armed robbery, smuggling, drug possession, assault, enforced cannibalism, attempted genocide, attempted murder, enforced suicide, manslaughter, prostitution, and murder." I looked over to Kenny, who just shrugged, focussing back on his phone.
"We all have fairly similar criminal records." I stared at Kyle, a little weirded out that these boys all had such extreme criminal records. Stan shrugged.
"I've got the least, if that helps, then Kyle, then Kenny, then Cartman has the most."
I turned to leave, walking out of the room when Kenny's voice stopped me in my tracks.
"Not so fast, Princess. You're no better than me." My heart stopped. "Just found your police report." I bit my lip, my eyes widening as Kenny stated reading. "Let's see...Arson, attempted murder, domestic abuse-" He paused for a moment, chuckling. "Nice. Murder?" The boys stared at me. I sighed and shook my head.
"It was an accident..."
"It says you killed an entire family, that wasn't an accident." I stared at Kenny, glaring at him and his proud smile. "Anyway, kidnapping...and that's it." Kenny stared at me expectantly. "Domestic abuse."
"I'm not talking about this." I walked out of the room and towards my own bedroom.
"Come on, you were just screaming at me about my record-" Kenny followed me down the corridor. I dropped onto my bed with a sigh. "And you have one too~ How hypocritical~" He teased, brushing my hair out of my face.
"Domestic abuse was in self-defence, so was the murder. Kind of...led on..."
"Kidnapping?"
"I took my daughter from my grandparen-" I watched Kenny's expression fall.
"Daughter...?" I sighed with a laugh, amazed at how I would have to explain this again.
"Involuntary, but still, she was then taken from me and put up for adoption." Kenny slipped his arms around my waist and buried his face into my neck, pulling my body as close to his as possible.
"I guess we're both fucked up."
"You are more than me."
