Hung Up On The Stars • ChenJi

nine

He woke up with a lighter heart and lighter burden on his shoulders and head after a full night's sleep and wondered how peaceful it would be if he got a full eight hours of sleep every night.

He can never relate to that feeling.

For some reason he feels hungry too, breakfast was served in a hurry to get to the school on time but he got full after just a few bites. His mother insisted on him eating more but Jisung whined at her.

"If you don't eat this much at the least, you will end up being skinnier than ever."

"But I'm not able to," he said with a high-pitched voice when his mother forcefully stuffed the spoon into his mouth.

"Why?" She says imitating the same tone playfully.

"I have lost my appetite these days, not able to eat much."

"Why? You alright? Why didn't you tell me anything about this till now?" She pleads with worry.

Jisung flattens his mouth and says with a low voice, "the last time I said something, I have failed you, Ma" and he just goes silent all over.

"Jisung, listen to me."

When he doesn't turn over, she puts her hands on both sides of his face trying to face her. She squishes his face and says, "I feed you with the same hands that slapped you yesterday. We all love you, dear. I'm always here for you."

Jisung pretends to believe that.

Unable to disappoint his mother, he nods and hurries to the school.

****

Days pass and the feeling of loneliness grows along with his age. He applauds himself for hiding and fighting all his emotions by himself and begins to develop becoming independent of himself. On the away, he thinks this is a good change cultivated by himself as he was growing and would become an adult soon. As Chenle says, he looks for the good news around the surroundings.

(Chenle even says to work on the bad news to eradicate the suffering but he doesn't acknowledge it. Giving a reason that it giving his sad feelings attention would remind him of all the bad dreams he gets during the night and the happenings during the day. )

He gets his nightfall less than usual but the confusion of the cause still troubles him. Not even lying to himself, he knows that he doesn't have any sexual drive for any possibilities nor the "hots" for any celebrities or common people around him. Sure, he throws a few 'banana' jokes and even takes the humor but the feelings were constricted to jokes and nothing more.

The nocturnal emissions trouble him weekly but sometimes it is weekly twice or thrice. He is quick enough to change the sheets without anybody's notice although sometimes Jaemin gets wary about the frequent changing color of sheets. Ignoring his doubtful looks, he managed to hide the matter from him until one day, when Jisung was woken up by Jaemin pointing his finger towards the bed.

"What is this?" He asks genuinely surprised and puzzled.

Jisung mutters "fuck" under his breath and is again investigated by his brother.

"Jisung, I ask you and answer me truthfully... is this yours-?"

"No," he says, quickly finishing his sentence.

"Jisung you are either lying or peed on the bed after becoming a tall ass donkey."

"Oh shut up, Hyung. I did not pee."

"Then you are lying."

"I am not?"

"Then who else could it be?''

" You? Don't you have a dick of your own?"

"Are you insane? I didn't even sleep here last night."

"Oh fuck, yeah, you didn't."

"Yeah, see?"

Jisung's face encloses his embarrassment now, "Okay, listen, this isn't mine ok-" and saw Jaemin's 'oh really?' expression and corrects himself, "like, I mean yeah, this is mine but I didn't-" with the loss of words, he makes unwinding hand motions and stuff.

"You didn't what?"

"I didn't- like think of sex or something. I even think I am asexual, trust me."

He wants to hit his head to the wall hard because of the embarrassing admission of his sexuality to his brother in the most inappropriate moment ever.

"Oh Jisung, I just asked if you have this problem, I didn't accuse you of watching someone's ass."

"Can you stop with the word now? You are embarrassing me a lot." He lowers his head down fake crying.

"Okay sorry, relax," he laughs and Jisung eases up a little, "but what about it?"

"What do you mean by what about it?"

"What did you do about it?"

"Oh, I did."

"Did What? Shaking your ass?" He asks, teasing again.

"HYUNG!"

"Sorry sorry," he collects himself, "what did you do seriously about it?"

"I changed the sheets."

Jaemin facepalms at him, "So all you did was change sheets so that nobody could see, and only I got to know about it because I caught you with wet pants?"

"As embarrassing as it sounds, it is true," he nods his head, closing his eyes.

"It's not embarrassing idiot, if anything, it is only stupid of you for you to do what did."

"Do you want me to go to Papa and announce that his son just had a nocturnal emission from a possible wet dream and like an innocent bean he would believe that I am very sincere and did not see someone's 'ass' and that it was all some magic?"

"Of course."

"Are you insane?"

"No, you are. Do you even know that sometimes it becomes a huge problem? Though most of the time it is considered normal, sometimes it occurs due to hormonal imbalance and affects your mental well-being?''

" oh."

"Yeah, oh."

Later Jaemin forcefully takes the promise from him to inform the matter to somebody elder and Jisung assures him that he would say it to his father the next time it occurs.

~tbc~