Hung Up On The Stars • ChenJi

twenty

"Jisung-?"

"Huh- what? What happened? Any problem Chenle?" He sits up straight after wiping his tears as Chenle calls him.

If anything, Chenle looks as horrified as he feels right now.

Taking a breath, Jisung asks, "why are you awake?"

"Why are you crying?" He turns to his side to give him the water bottle.

For some reason, he doesn't feel like drinking water, "No thanks," he breathes out.

Chenle is perplexed but lets it go.

"Umm, well okay. But what happened suddenly?"

Chenle looked fucking worried right now.

"Nothing- it's just- I don't know. It's just stupid"

"It's not so stupid if it had made you cry in the middle of the night. I try to talk to you but just shrug it off and one day you come up with an injured hand and cry on my bed and when I ask you say, it's nothing. It doesn't make sense."

Jisung falls short of words, so he wipes his tears and says with a mournful voice, "Chenle-" he sniffles, "I- this isn't the right time to talk."

"But this is the only time I got you. I actually caught you red-handed crying and I can make sure you are okay with what's troubling you for many days, or many weeks I suppose."

Jisung thinks of another reason, "it's almost 12 right now."

Chenle stops for two seconds and asks him to get up from the bed and Jisung has no option to comply.

They head to the rooftop and takes his sit down while Chenle takes Jisung's left hand into his right one.

"Hey," Chenle says, voice softer, "you know you can trust me right?"

"I do," jisung admits, "I trust you a lot."

"Then why do you choose to suffer alone? You bottle up things too much, you know?" He says with an encouraging nod, striking their shoulders.

"Chenle- I don't know. It kind of feels personal. I don't know who to talk to," he says pitiful and ready to cry then and there.

"Then what about your family?" Hearing that word makes him tear up, not being able to control himself, "Or at least your brother if it's not something you can tell your parents directly?"

Jisung was fully crying now.

"Hey- hey. Please don't cry? I am sorry, did I say something wrong? What happened?Oh my God, Jisung say something. You are making me nervous now."

Jisung takes the handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his tears and fully face him with red eyes.

It was at this moment when he thought he should have cried enough for yesterday so that he could have prevented himself from turning into a big fuck up.

"Chenle it's not you," he says.

"Then who is it?"

"My parents-" and he sees Chenle's almost shocked face, "like it's not exactly them. Like- I don't actually understand but my family kinda is just- I don't know? Less attached? Like you would know that my father is very strict from the beginning so we don't talk around much leading to him being absent most of the time and my mother and grandmother sometimes fucking up real bad that it leaves me defeated for weeks."

"I'm sorry about that."

"You don't- you don't have to be. I mean I don't know if they are as bad as they seem but it just occurs to my mind that they don't like me at all and I am failed case in the house."

"Hey, you don't mean that, do you?"

"What can I do Chenle? At the same time, Jaemin Hyung and I fought over him getting angry with me for hiding things from our parents and just stopped talking with me. It was just fucking up my brains and later Hina just randomly one day said she liked me and didn't know what to do and few days later, when I thought everything was fine, she says she is sad- I broke her heart. I broke many people Chenle- I hate everything-"

Chenle hugs him tightly wiping his tears and burying Jisung's face on his shoulder. He brushes his hand on his hair as a source of consolation. Pulling away, Chenle puts his hand on his shoulder asking him to continue.

"Yesterday, it just got worse after days of feeling desperate and angry and ended up being stupid."

"What did you actually do?"

"I kind of raised my anger at everybody. And did stupid things- I was so messed up and shouted at everyone and everything and got so violent-" he shows his injured hand, "and this happened."

Chenle caresses his tear-stained cheek rubbing it and asking him to breathe in and breathe out.

After he settles down, Chenle takes his hand and says, "I'm sorry if I don't have the right answers but I think you should talk to them properly instead of just saying it all in a day. And I can't believe you just left this topic after it got so big just like that. Don't run away from things, Jisung."

He remembers his grandmother's words.

"I guess you are right," Jisung admits.

"Good. Also, remember to not feel guilty for what you suffer. Don't hate yourself at your worst. If you hate yourself at your worst, you are just indirectly giving an obligation that you can hate others at their worst too. People feel things, although unhealthy and evil, they still do. It depends how you act on them. I understand you were pretty frustrated but if you relaxed and acted properly in front of your family about your issues, it wouldn't have gone worse and you wouldn't end up hurting yourself."

Jisung displays his affirmation by tightening his grip on their joint hands.

"Don't think too low of yourself. You are too brilliant to be a failed case, Jisung."

When Jisung scoffs at his statement, Chenle continues, "No, don't even object to it. You are my best friend, idiot. The best one I have ever had and wouldn't afford to lose you no matter what happens."

Jisung is stunned by the sincerity in his voice as he expressed his fondness and the value of their friendship. He searches for the sarcasm in Chenle's words but all he could see is affection in his eyes that held the stars of the night sky shining perfectly like his personality and feelings.

Sliding all the feelings aside he says wiping his tears, "You are being too nice I am scared of you."

Chenle would yell usually but instead he giggles embarrassed, "Hey, don't offend me."

Jisung smiles back.

After a few seconds of silence, Jisung says into the air, "hey" and turns his head to his friend, "Thanks a lot."

Chenle kisses his hand and says, "Anytime."

Jisung sighs smiling and does the same albeit hesitantly, and later puts his head on Chenle's shoulder as he feels the other's arm around his waist.

~tbc~