Hung Up On The Stars • ChenJi

twenty three

Later, that night, in order to drink water, he goes downstairs and is surprised to catch his father looking blankly outside. With the courage and curiosity bubbling up, he goes to his father to sit beside him and ask him what happened.

"Papa?" Jisung calls him.

As he sat down with him, he noticed his father looking at his wallet with Jisung and Jaemin's polaroid in the case.

"Oh Jisung? What brings you here, dear?" His father asks.

Jisung smiles at the polaroid and then turns to his father; with an uncomfortable smile he speaks, "Just... i- uhh yeah. I have a problem."

"What happened?" His father asks folding his legs and fully turn to Jisung.

"Actually umm, I don't know how to say this but recently I have been having nightfall. It's not so intense actually but I just- umm... wanted to inform you about it so there isn't any further problem or stuff."

His father scrutinizes his face with an unreadable expression and nods his head, "Oh, well don't worry though. It's quite natural in boys of your age. Just take care of yourself and have good hygiene and diet. If it is still bothering you, then maybe we can call on a doctor."

He later puts a comforting hand on his shoulders, "It will be fine in a few days okay? But if it's serious let me know. We will do something about it."

Jisung nods, "uhh..okay thanks."

His father doesn't remove the hand and still looks at him creating an atmosphere filled with unsaid words and displayed feelings.

Mustering all his guts, Jisung asks, "All okay, Papa?"

He could sense the tension in between them and the hesitation dropping down his father to say the things he wanted to.

But in the next moment, his father soeaks, "Jisung... Sometimes I get the thought that I am not a good father for both of you."

Jisung tries to speak something and knew that he had a say in this matter but the age-old habit of not interrupting elders while they speak or not able to answer back bravely pulled him back from doing so.

His father says remorsefully, "I think I have not been attached to you enough because of being too focussed on something or someone else- but- but I want to say I love you both a lot."

Wetting his lips he waits for his father to finish. Jisung had never seen his father so sad and regretful before. He never saw his father cry. Sometimes he seems very happy to be true but that was very rare. That's because he never expressed his feelings properly- happy or sad and Jisung speculates at his very instinct that the person who isn't able to express his sorrow or guilt freely would find it very difficult to express affection or love too.

Jisung feels pitiful about that fact.

"Since you were young, I wanted you to be very sincere and hence proclaimed my image to be very strict in the hope of you getting serious about life but that logic would apply only till you start understanding things about life. As you grow older, words can hurt you and affect you the whole life. And it's too late when I realized that. I am sorry, jisung."

Jisung looks at his father's face filled with so much of guilt and sincerely and picks the fabric of his pants.

Breathing out he tries to say, "Thats- umm fine. Like, you all never had bad intentions. It's okay, and its not too late too, and I am happy that we are talking more than before now," he lets out a tight smile.

His father smiles back and takes him to his chest.

The warmth of his father's hug encompasses him and closes his eyes to fully experience the feeling. He bends his arms to return back the hug and he realizes how much he misses his father's presence around him.

"You have grown a lot, Jisung. I can proudly say that my son has outgrown me. You are more mature than what I was at your age. I hope the same thing is for your happiness."

Pulling away, Jisung thinks about jaemin's words.

Jisung smiles, "I have got a supportive family to thank this for."