Hung Up On The Stars • ChenJi

thirteen

Jisung keeps his mind steady by all the intuitions he gets and chasing the inner voice of his wisdom he follows the trajectory path directed to him. In the night with the moon concealed with the power of sensitivity of the clouds, he walks on the dry dead leaves making small noises provoking the creatures that are invisible to him.

His strides get slower and slower as the path becomes shorter and shorter with the growing turbidity of the sight before his eyes until he finally sees nothing but the eternal salvation from the life forms. He smiles walking with pride and expectation-filled eyes and suddenly the flame of fire erupts in the royal jungle where the weird species existed all by themselves which spread faster than any plague to ever attack humankind.

As he moves farther, he hears infants wailing as their tiny bodies got separated from their heads and the red blood dissipates all over the place. Masked people laughing and crying collectively and slowly throwing themselves in the pool of blood which finally reached the room of fire drifting them off the eternal freedom from the materialistic world.

The fire made the bushes into ashes and the humans into fossils and the masked human beings danced the festival to their end before performing it. Jisung gets to the place with enthusiasm and finally sees his parents, brother, grandmother and Chenle opening their masks.

"NOO" is all Jisung could say when he saw the last sight of them.

He woke up with a throbbing head and wryful scream at his surroundings and continuously sobbed loudly. Seeing the darkness inside his room reminded him of the nightmare he just went through and that made him cry louder.

He tried covering his mouth to control the sounds disturbing others in the middle of the night. The sweat all over his back and back irked him and he took out the shirt and lashed it into the ground. Just as he whimpered more, Jaemin woke up like an alarm hit his ear in advance.

Seeing his brother crying tensed up Jaemin and he was soon to ask what was wrong with Jisung.

"Jisung, answer me, are you okay?"

Jisung was too shocked to even process an answer for the question. His chest rises up and down with periodical crying and he hiccups making their way to his mouth.

Jaemin rubs his back with his free hand and holds him close to his chest and doesn't stop frictioning his hand with Jisung's skin in the hope to make it warmer.

"Don't say this to anybody, I am fine," is what he says even in the most vulnerable phase of the night.

"You first relax okay?"

As he sees Jisung not being able to calm down his sobs, he leaves him for a second to bring the jar of water and an empty glass from the table to their bed. He insists on him drinking the water and maybe after two or three times of drinking he finally could stop his tears.

But the hiccuping continued.

Filling the glass with water, he makes his hand forward to give it to Jisung.

Jisung stopped his tears a while ago but his fear comes back and he cries again with eyes closed. He launches himself on Jaemin's shoulder crying and holding onto his hoodie for a while.

"Jisung, what is wrong?" Jaemin now asks with gentleness and sincerity caressing his shoulder.

"I thought I lost you all, I can't bear this thought, you had your masks on- and that fire- I almost died seeing that," and he stayed in that position for a while and just sobbed.

After settling down his composure, he joins his hands and says, "This stays between us, Hyung. Please don't tell anybody about this. Maa and Papa, I don't want them to know..."

"Why is that thought bothering you now?" He says almost irritated by hearing the same sentence since nearly quarter an hour.

"Because they wouldn't care about this- and it's so embarrassing-"

And then Jaemin throws the water of the glass angrily on his face, making Jisung shocked.

"Just fucking stop with that sentence, will you?" He angrily says at him.

With the growth of Jisung's shock, he further continues, "Why do you make them the villains of your life, idiot? They are our parents, not enemies. Do you even look at the wreck you have become right now? Even now all you care about the embarrassment and not yourself. Are they strangers for you to get embarrassed?"

Jisung lowers his head shaking it in disagreement.

"Then why? Why is it so hard for you to trust us? Keeping things to yourself is not cool, Park Jisung. And I have told you right? To talk to papa? Did you talk? I am sure you didn't."

He does the 'no' head movement again.

"I knew it. Not just about it, you never talk about yourself. We are alive humans before you, humans with feelings, humans with empathy and connection. Even the humanity wins all the problems and we all love you as our own and you still don't believe us, tell me how fair is it?"

After a long minute of silence, Jaemin speaks again.

"Think of yourself, jisung. Think how far is it correct on your part to ignore our efforts to come for you. And don't worry, maa and papa aren't in the house for them to know all this," he hurriedly pours water and says, "just sleep peacefully," and slams the glass on his side of the table.

Jisung drinks the water kept beside them and tries to wipe his tear-stained cheeks a bit more and finally drifts off to sleep with pity and sorrow.

The next morning, the environment between the brothers wasn't pleasant and when Jisung says "Good Morning, Hyung" he doesn't reply. Before they talk further, Jaemin serves breakfast on his plate even before he asks to prevent any start of the conversation.

Jaemin shows him the cold shoulder throughout the day and Jisung hates himself for how much of a big fuck up he is.

~tbc~