Hung Up On The Stars • ChenJi

fourteen

The midterm exams bring constant episodes of anxiety and stress to Jisung and with the growing disinterest and dissociation with his family makes his situation only worse. He finds himself losing concentration every now and then while studying and even the group sessions with his friends stop for few days, compelling Jisung to take the whole burden on himself resulting in him wasting most of the time.

Sometimes he dozes off while doing the subject and the lack of sleep makes him exhausted with the simplest tasks. However, he could do the most during the night with the silence and ambience supporting him to have a peaceful time all by himself. But it had its side effects too, causing him to miss classes in school. He skipped biology class four times that week.

He had made the regular habit of having coffee thrice a day and every day. Although he had a lesser aversion towards coffee than his brother, his addiction and dependency grew towards it. He would ask for one when Jaemin made those for himself and without further question, he would prepare one. He wonders how long they would not talk to each other.

Jaemin showed no sign of doubt or hesitation when he was with Jisung, he just behaved as if he didn't exist at all. However, due to some reasons they would have to converse on some matters because they literally live in the same room but he swears he can't handle the awkwardness at all. He wonders if he is the only one concerned in this case because Jaemin almost behaved like he didn't care at all.

Sometimes Jisung takes charge of preparing their coffees and when the mistake in the quantities of sugar or the shots Jaemin wouldn't comment or ask for another one but just do the alterations himself. He grew embarrassed talking about his fight with his mother but stops away remembering the reason for their disturbances.

He then makes a promise to talk to his father about his nightfall but for the whole week, it doesn't happen at all.

He is both glad and giddy about that fact.

Gradually he feels his family becoming busy with themselves, Jaemin doesn't speak at all, his father gets overworked with the upcoming project date, his grandmother busies herself by going to church every day in every morning and listening to the father and coming back and reading the Bible all day. She doesn't speak like usual anymore and mostly minds her own business.

Although it is what he wished for, he doesn't feel happy at all.

His day and night were filled with constant worries and insecurities and the absence of people around him pricked him. Worst of all, he loses interest even while playing games.

The motivation to get out of bed was nonexistent in his life. He either missed the homework or completed them in the school itself.

Coming to school, he is quite happy with the company of his friends. Hina comes during their breaks and although Jisung and herself feel very awkward around each other. They make sure they aren't alone with each other. All the other friends fool around making him laugh and sometimes he contributes to the conversation too.

Chenle sometimes calls him just to talk about random things. He notices that Chenle is extra happy these days, mostly because his nephew is here with him.

Chenle stops teasing him a lot and Jisung is quite surprised. He notices Chenle taking his side of the argument most of the time even when he thought Chenle didn't agree with his viewpoints. Another thing that bothers him is that Chenle frequently asks if he was fine all the time after Adam's incident and he wishes he could assure him that he was okay.

Although Chenle didn't tell the reasons behind his care for Jisung, he could tell that he expected him to get disturbed after Hina proposed to him, but, oh how much he wants to make it clear that he has no hard feelings towards Hina and just wished that Hina didn't behave weirdly with him. He sometimes makes an effort to start a conversation without regrets with her and he is glad that most of the time, she responds positively.

There was a time when he went to Hina's class to share a common subject and instead of Chenle, he sat with her. Her friends seemed incredulous about Jisung's presence near her and always grew protective of her.

They never confronted him directly but he knew there was something off.

He saw her tired face and asked her, "Are you sick?"

She sniffled, "Yeah, kind of. And cramps too," she said, catching her head.

"Oh," was all he could say and they fall into silence.

"Your friends don't seem to like me, you know," he says a bit hesitantly.

"Chill, they are fine. But yeah, they appear too protective of me."

"I hope they know Adam is the worst asshole here, not me."

She laughs.

"Well, friends are just like that. And you are luckier than me in that matter..."

Jisung looks at her curiously asking what she meant.

"Chenle cares about you a lot," and then stops for a moment.

"He talked to me, Jisung, and told me to understand your point of view. I know you Jisung, that you have no bad intentions and don't want to hurt me. But the fear of losing you, even as my friend prompted me to just dissociate myself from everybody including you. "

Jisung keeps his mouth open for some time and the tingle in his heart causes his chest to rise above. He breathes out letting her continue her speech and at the same time the guilt trips him down to the reality of his position wherein he has to keep himself responsible for a person's heartbreak who is in front of his eyes.

"Hina, I-"

"Jisung, you don't have to say anything." She says smiling sadly.

"I am sorry Hina. I am really sorry."

"It's okay," and he knows she is lying.

"I am sorry for being a bad person.I am sorry for breaking your heart" he says with wet eyes.

"It's not your fault-"

"It is my fault, Hina. I am in a hopeless situation. I just wish all of this didn't happen..." He cries out with a breaking voice making sure to not let out tears. But his voice was so broken, so broken that it hurt his throat more than his chest.

"We- we just need time to get this sorted, Jisung. See you tomorrow, Bye." She says and leaves him with a thousand queries and breakdowns.

~tbc~