Hung Up On The Stars • ChenJi

twenty five

Jisung was just seventeen years old when the most astounding realization hits him like lightning in the dark blue sky with an intensity stronger than any known force existing in the world. However, he allows himself to retrospect his feelings to judge if they are momentary or existing all while long.

The confusion of his new feelings for his best friend whether being a deep level of admiration or something romantic ebbing in his head troubled his mind with constant reminders of Chenle's memories with him.

He singlehandedly decides to abandon his thoughts for days to forget the illusionary imaginations which were far from being possible.

Or that's what he thought all the way.

But he couldn't help but think of Chenle being the most supportive friend or person in general, to ask for and too nice for his good. He thinks of the time when Chenle was ready to sacrifice his sleep at midnight and console him about his issues on the rooftop and kissing his hand. He thinks of the time when Chenle smiles at him even in the hardest times trying to bring a positive impact on the things that bothered him.

He thinks of Chenle when he was just a child, sharing amazing stories with him, and Jisung listening to him even if he didn't seem to understand or show any interest. He thinks of himself gathered up at Chenle's interests trying to make them his own, like how he started liking Stephen Curry after being introduced by Chenle.

He thinks of the time when Chenle fought for him, like a superhero protecting him without his knowledge and not even trying to take any credits or recognition for doing so.

All these hopeful signs and the almost sheer possibility of Chenle having mutual intentions occur but immediately he tries to shoo away those.

Nevertheless, the slight crinkle and curve Chenle's eyes whenever he looks at Jisung never permit him to leave Jisung's imagination.

But what if Jisung was misinterpreting all the indications and would suffer a huge disappointment just like how he was highly disheartened with the lie of wishing during the shooting stars coming before he was lightened by knowledge?

What if all these vestiges were like meteors that misled him into doing a mistake?

He sits under the night sky feeling the cool air touching his face looking at the infinity that was risen above. He stares at the stars trying to think if the sky was above the earth or if the earth was the one above the sky or if all of this was an imagination dipping down onto him without any proper proof; just as if he was uncertain about his romantic feelings for Chenle.

He dissipates those thoughts however and decides to speak about his mind soon to Chenle.

But the definition of 'soon' seemed to vary for Jisung as he always found himself holding back even while talking because of a strong form of guilt and disgust flowing in his nerves. He curses himself for throwing himself into the den of love for the person who is supposed to be his best friend for a lifetime and visioned Chenle dissociating from himself after knowing about the truth.

That was foolish, he thinks.

One of the incidents when he nearly fucked up real bad was when Chenle came to his house for group study while having Jaemin's friends in the house too.

He mentally and orally curses his brother for inviting his friends the same day when Jisung invited Chenle too.

However, Jaemin gives an excuse that "Jisung, Maa, and Papa will be gone only for today. As much as you have the right over the house, I have it too."