In 500... (or less)

Willy the Woodchopper

The infernal thudding...again.

"The madman is at it again," Nick yelled to his wife. "Chopping down another tree!"

"Surely not," she answered, "there cannot be many left."

She peered out the window of their small home. A tree trembled in the distance.

"Go stop him at once," Nick demanded. "He's your relative!"

His wife paused at the window, as if she did not hear the demand.

"I'm afraid dear cousin Willy would have nothing of either of us," she replied. "It's been three years since we moved here and he hasn't even offered a housewarming gift."

Gift indeed, Nick thought. After all, it was Willy's fault they were cramped in this tiny house in the first place. Yes, he'd started the whole madness.

"The man's a lunatic," Nick ranted. "Always looking out for himself. Nearly took the world apart all on his own."

"Nicky dear, you're being dramatic," his wife answered.

Her husband had changed so much since they were forced out of their home. He used to be kind and even a little hen-pecked. Robbed of his power and influence, told to leave his own country, then finally suffering the indignity of living next door to her cousin Willy -- the man who caused it all -- caused something to snap in him.

Neither appreciated the dangers they would have faced if they had not acceded to leaving. Nick had everything there. And now, now, cramped in a small home with his four daughters and lone son, under constant guard, he was but a prisoner in every practical sense of the word.

"How many do you think he's cut?" he asked. "A thousand? Perhaps more? And all this with his little withered hand that he hides from everyone."

She waited for Nick's temper to calm down. First he would huff about the trees, then he would mock Willy. Next he'd declare he was going to go over to give him a piece of his mind.

"Why I've got half a mind to go over and tell your blasted cousin what I really think of him!" His wife almost chuckled in spite of herself.

"Now Nicky, honestly," she said. "Don't you remember the last time you and Willy fought? It didn't out well for either of you."

Nick glared at her. She knew exactly where to go to shut him up.

"Still," he said. "Why doesn't he just move to America and take work as a lumberjack?"

"You know he can't leave her any more than we can," his wife answered. "It's not safe for either of us."

"You make it seem like we were going to be hauled off into some basement and butchered like animals if they'd gotten their hands on us," Nick said. "Maybe that's what should happen to Willy."

He'd tried to mutter the last part under his breath to no avail.

"Nicholas Romanov!" his wife hollered. "How awful of you to say such a thing about Willy! You put your boots on this instant! We are going over there, and you two are going to make up once and for all!"