In 500... (or less)

The Biggest Fan

This was going to be the last time he argued with his mother about getting a job.

"You look ridiculous!" she hollered at him. "Painted all blue and maroon! You're not one of those hooligans, are you?"

"Be serious, mum," Pete answered flatly. "I don't do that kind of stuff, but I love the Clarets."

"Well, I don't see your precious football club giving you a job, or doing your laundry," she snipped. "It's time you do something with yourself."

This was an old argument. At 21, he had avoided college and did menial work that wouldn't interfere with his ability to watch his beloved Burnley F.C. He lived and died with the proceedings on the pitch.

"I haven't missed watching a game since I was eight years old, and I'm not about to start now!"

Steam shot from his mother's ears as he barked at her. Maybe she could try something different this time, instead of escalating the shouting match.

"Fine!" she said. "I dare you not to miss another game. Commit to it now, Pete. If you're the biggest fan, take a stand for them."

The move caught Pete off-guard, but he was not about to back off. He doubled down instead.

"I swear to God, I'm not leaving this basement again until Burnley wins the Premier League!"

"All right then," his mother said calmly. "I'll see to it that you have everything arranged down there. We'll see how long you last."

The first few years were the hardest. His mother replaced the lumpy old couch with a bed and a comfy chair, and had a stand-up shower put in. Pete stuck to his guns, determined to prove himself.

His beloved Clarets could never seem to get the job done. They finished seventh one year, and Pete had hope for the following season. Instead, they barely missed being relegated.

After time, his mother no longer could traverse the stairs to the basement, it was Pete's brother, Mick, who took care of him. 

"C'mon Pete. I know you promised, but it's her funeral." Not even his own mother's funeral would cause Pete to break his vow.

More years went by. Mick was replaced by his daughter, herself a rather committed Burnley fan,  taking care of Uncle Pete. Still no championship, though Pete was hopeful again. After all, Chelsea and Arsenal had been relegated this season, something he thought he'd never live to see.

Tenley let slip her uncle's vow, and he soon became a bit of a media sensation. Tottenham Hotspur offered him his own luxury box, free of charge, to switch loyalties. Burnley upped the ante, promising Pete a place on the sideline. 

"I told you all before," Pete said in a TV interview. "I'm not leaving here until Burnley wins the championship."

Finally, it all came together for Burnley. Pete watched anxiously as the team finally won it all. He feebly lifted his hand to give his niece a high-five.

He hobbled over to the steps but soon came to realize they were too great an obstacle for the world's oldest man.