In 500... (or less)

The Heist

The machine rudely spit out his bank card.

"Insufficient funds?!" He stared at the screen, unable to comprehend the impossibility of his bank account being cleared out.

He flipped open his wallet, looking for another card. Surely it was a mistake, but at least one of his other accounts would have money it.

"What the...?" The machine was simply not cooperating. There were plenty of funds. After all, he was the richest man in the world by a mile.

"Something's wrong with your machine," he told the clerk impatiently. "I can't get any of my cards to work."

The clerk barely looked at him.

"Sorry about that, bud. We'll have someone come look at it." Clearly the clerk did not recognize him.

He made stops all over the place, looking for machines that would give him a little cash. Nothing worked.

"The world's gone mad, I swear," he said aloud. The light came on in his Ferrari, reminding him that he was low on gasoline. None of the gas pumps would take his cards either.

His accountant wasn't answering.

"What do I pay you for? You lousy bum!" He was beside himself. "I go on one lousy trip for a few weeks, get completely disconnected and recharged, and come back to this."

Though it was beneath his station, he finally looked up the number on the back of one of the cards and dialed the bank himself. There were menus and numbers to be pressed, but no person on the other end of the line. Just as he was about to explode, a person answered and started taking down his information. There was a long pause on the line.

"Hello?" He was really getting impatient. For all of his wealth and power, he couldn't bear being treated like an ordinary person.

"Yes sir, I'm here." The lady seemed to almost be chuckling. "I can't believe it's really you."

"What the hell is going on with my money? I can't get access to anything!" He wished he could choke her through the phone. He figured he'd hire someone to make that possible when this call was finished.

"You know, they say you're not supposed to take glee in other people's misery, but this time I can't help myself." Her glib manner fired off dozens of curses inside his head, but he tried his best to stay composed.

"So you've been off the grid for a few weeks," she said. "How fortunate for the rest of us."

"Fortunate?"

"While you were gone, there were a few changes," she said, almost unable to control her laughter. "The world's governments all agreed to change currencies, and converted everyone over to the new system."

"Great. Is this some kind of joke?"

"Everyone. Except for you. It was all over the news. Some kind of financial coup to take back our money," she explained.

"You're kidding.""You're now the world's poorest man, not a penny, er a microcoin to your name."