In 500... (or less)

A Feast Ran Afoul

The generals would arrive soon, and they would be hungry.

William frantically looked around the camp for something to cook.

"We've got some flour," one of the soldiers told the cook. "You could make them some flannel cakes."

"Flannel cakes?!" the cook bellowed. "I am not about to cook pancakes for General Robert E. Lee."

"If you're hungry enough you'll eat just about anything," another soldier chimed in. "Why just last week we caught us a raccoon and cooked it up right good. Ain't none of us had a rightly share of meat this whole spring, and it was surely more tasty than one would have guessed."

The cook shook his head.

"No time to go hunting for any game," he said. "We have to find something in the camp."

William scurried between the different groups, hoping to find some salted pork, perhaps some cornmeal or fresh vegetables. There were none to be found in early May. He would have to improvise.

He resigned himself to a plan which had always been his last resort, though he dare not tell General Lee about it. He returned to the first group of men. 

"Can you spare me a few biscuits from your flour?" William asked. "I need some to make stuffing."

He hurried back to the general's headquarters and went to work on dinner.General Lee would be awfully cross with him for it, but he knew what he had to do. Nellie was a veteran of the Confederate Army, from Antietam to Chancellorsville to Gettysburg and back. He knew where to find her.

"Come on, Nellie, we got some generals to feed," Wiliam said as he poked around outside General Lee's tent. Nellie complied, as she never had reason to fear William before. General Lee was off consulting with Gen. Stuart, hoping to get word on how long it would take Gen. Longstreet to bring his army to the battlefield.

Nellie was dispatched quickly and soon the heavenly smells of dinner began wafting out from the headquarters."It smells divine, William," said Gen. Ewell, the first to arrive for dinner. "I'm so hungry I would eat a boiled boot."

The other generals arrived in due time, all of them salivating over the smell of dinner. Lee himself found his stomach rumbling for some vittles.

The plates were set before the generals, who heartily devoured the meal. All except Lee, who was suspicious.

"William, the food is excellent as always," the general said. "But I must inquire as to your sources for it. Surely we had almost no meat to speak of in camp."

"Well, sir..." William paused as his eyes shifted nervously between Lee's guests, who were all staring at William. "Maybe we ought to talk this over outside for a moment."

Lee rose and excused himself, as William led him outside the kitchen. A pile of black feathers lay by the door.

"You killed Nellie!? My pet hen?!"

The plucky black hen had dutifully laid an egg under Lee's cot nearly every morning for the past two years, and the general could scarcely hold back his tears as he returned to his guests.