The Gruesome Death of Judge Judy

Chapter Seven: Jousha

The morning news played on TV so Ruth Bader Ginsburg could listen. Jousha scrolled through Twitter, where he saw what people made of it.

"I would never have thought that you could bring someone back from the dead." Ruth had told him. "But I'm glad you chose me out of all people."

Ruth was just as eager to take back her rightful place on the court as Jousha was to give it to her, but he couldn't reveal her to the world now. Trump was still president, and Biden would not be sworn in until next month. But the universe seemed to be working against his plans.

The first problem arose with Ruth's eyesight, or rather her lack thereof. He reread his spellbook to see if it was supposed to happen and it turned out it was not. He had made a mistake during the ritual, likely repeating a phrase one too many or one too few times. The end result was the same: the newly resurrected person would be missing something they had in their life. The only way to bring Ruth's eyesight back would be to kill another person.

Jousha had plenty of ideas for who to kill, but Ruth shot all of those down. She was firmly against killing another Supreme Court Justice on the grounds that she liked them on a personal, if not a political, level. She wouldn't even hear of killing Amy Coney Barrett, who she didn't even know. Jousha brought up others, but Ruth began reminding him that murder was wrong.

"Don't you want your eyesight back?" Jousha asked.

"That would be nice," she responded. "But I would not want it back through unethical means. And it seems I lost it due to your error in the first place." She loved reminding him of that last bit. Jousha was almost tempted to put her back where he found her.

Unfortunately, even if he had actually wanted to do that, Ruth's former grave was now under 24/7 guard because someone had figured out that it was empty now. In the mist from that night he hadn't noticed that the grave wasn't filled back in after the spell exhumed it. And now, the morning after, it was all over the news.

Everyone had their theories. Conservatives were accusing some rabid RBG stan of digging her up for a shrine or something. Liberals were riling themselves up over the thought of a conservative mutilating her corpse and crushing her bones. Trump had stayed off Twitter, but Jousha knew a tweet was coming and he didn't need a spell to see that. The truth was probably stranger than anyone thought, he reflected.

"I am growing tired of hearing this," Ruth complained. Jousha had not been fully listening, but even he was finding the endless talk of his new friend's tomb to be tiresome. He wordlessly changed the channel. Judge Judy was on.

"Will you change the channel again?" Ruth intoned. "I cannot stand Judge Judy." Jousha almost obliged, then had a realization.

"We're gonna kill Judge Judy. That's how we'll get your sight back."

"I said I could not stand her. I did not say I wanted her dead."

"Your sight or her life?"

Ruth thought for a second. "Kill her yourself. I will have no part in that."

"You kind of have to come with me. It's part of the spell."

"Do you actually know the spell this time?"

Jousha sighed. "Yes. You won't even need to see it happen."

"I do not think I have a choice in that."

Jousha was fortunately rescued from this conversation by a phone call which he went to the next room to take.

He came back and looked at Ruth. She was staring at nothing.

"I heard you come in. I am blind, not deaf. Are you absolutely sure you want to kill Judge Judy?"

"Yes," Jousha replied. "Now I'm going to have to take you upstairs. There is an old friend coming over, and I don't want them to see you. That could create some problems."