Writing for the Sake of Writing

Floating

Feb 19, 2017

Random Excerpt

I don't know what here and what's not anymore. This darkness I see and feel is the only reality I know anymore. This pain in my heart, that makes it feel heavy like some sort of weight has been attached to it, is the one thing I can still feel. "Why is it there?" I wonder. I guess it doesn't really matter because I don't have memories of my past, or how I got "here", where ever here may truly be. Here would be nowhere and everywhere. Like an empty and endless dream that I can never wake up from. Not a dream, but a nightmare of pain and regret of a past I can't remember. I can just float idly by in this nothingness of my reality; thinking, regretting, wondering.

"Could I never get out of this limbo of a dream?" I said to myself. Probably not a chance in hell, even so. I can't help but wonder if I'll ever stop floating aimless on and on for what has seemed like an eternity. Even though it feels like it's been an eternity of suffering I know there is no true passing of time here. I don't know why I know, I just know. But I can feel that time moves slowly here, yet I still have no idea how long I've been here. I don't know anything past what I've observed in my limbo. Even if I had seen color once before, I can't remember it. It's been ages since I've seen anything other than nothing at all, pure darkness. I don't even know what I look like anymore, if I even look like anything at all. That knowledge has disappeared along with all my other memories.

I try to look at my hand, or what feels like like looking at my hand, using the pure instinct I have of moving my hands. I don't see it. I doesn't even feel like I moved my hand at all. "What was I expecting?" I ask myself. I don't know what I was expecting at all because I haven't even moved since the time I got here. The only movement I had was floating by in this empty void that surrounds me. It's been closing in recently, getting closer yet not at all at the same time. Almost like it's been searching for me by the pain I can feel...

Focusing has been impossible since I felt it coming closer. I rarely wonder about my predicament or the suffocating darkness around me. Frantic thought have started to fill my head. "Why does it search for me at all?" or even sometimes "Does it hate me", "What does it want me?". This feeling of dread accompanies my aching heart. I don't want it to leave me, yet I don't want it to find me. "Why is that?" I ask myself. A sudden thought comes to mind. Almost out of nowhere an insane thought comes to mind, "But what if this "it" is actually a who. Who would ever try to search for me though? Could it be someone from my forgotten past?" Maybe they knew who I was and would tell me why I'm here. Then I could leave. I could be free from this limbo that I've grown accustomed to over this eternity of my imprisonment. It's not dread and fear that consumes me alone anymore, it's now joined with something light. Unlike that of which any of my memories of this place could ever place. A feeling I've known so much of in my past. I don't care how I remember anymore, "I just want to surrounded by this light."

As I wished for that, I had to squint my eyes because a blinding light appeared out of thin air. It wouldn't take much to make me squint my eyes granted that I've been consumed and surround by darkness this entire time. Surprisingly, I have a memory of light. But the memories that are fading in are fuzzy and unrecognizable. I can nearly remember my past by this new and old light twirling around me. It lights up everything around me with a soft glow and after eons, centuries, and decades I can see again. I can make out color again and feel another emotion other than sorrow. And seeing these strings of light I start to faintly remember a sunset and it's many uncaptured colors; the faint blues, purples, oranges, maroons, yellows, and even pinks from clouds that squeeze past the mountains in the distance. Then I remember a field, no. Not just A field, more than one. A golden wheat field that flows gently in the wind. One that's grassy and hill and full of vibrant green colors and autumn colored leaves from a nearby forest. "Why do I remember this?" I think as I close my eyes, wallowing in my memories of vivid colors.

The lights begin to surround me and start to glow brighter than earlier, making me have to squint more. Twirling around me faster and faster they make glowing circle of light in the wake. I'm mesmerized this as I am terrified. "What are they trying to do?" Taking me out of my sudden worry and launching me into a new one, the glowing rings and light start sticking to my body. I can only see the faint traces of skin left on my arms but the rest is a bright, green light. I never got a chance to see what I looked like in the excitement of seeing color after so long, and it looks like I never will. A strand of light rushes ahead of me and leads me through paths of darkness I had never known were there. I seem to fly after it, rushing for no apparent reason at all. Only to see where it takes me and a small bonus of escaping limbo.

As the light rushes far ahead of me, I catch glimpses of other what look to be dark silhouettes of people. Though, some aren't people at all and others are vaguely unrecognizable or just plain blobs. I'm pulled abruptly out of my staring and nearly run through the light as it stops suddenly, illuminating a large, ornate door. Staring up at the door I realize something, "I've been here before. But how?" It's almost from one of my memories, but also not. It's simply remembered, yet I don't know where from. I swear I've been here before. I start to close my eyes and sift through my newly regain memories but I don't get through many before I hear the loud creaking of the door as it opens and reveals a long hallway.

On the sides are pillars that stretch up into largely decorated arcs, each one with a different and intricate pattern. In between the arcs are murals that tell a story from long ago. Some a continuation of one story but others are simple painting that each tell a story of their own. And lighting the whole hallway are floating blue flames that produce and insane amount of light. So much light that you can barely see shadows on the pillars as you walk by. Yet again pulled out of my gawking, the light speeds on ahead and stops at the end of the hallway, which just so happens to be a for in the road. The left has the sound of rain hitting pavement or concrete and faint crying, while the other side you can hear laughing and children's screams of joy often heard when they play. "Which way do I go? Left or Right?"

I look up to the light for help, but it continues to hover silently above my head, refusing to budge and inch to help. With a sigh I look down both ways. The left has a faint blue light coming from the end and the sound of the rain alone nearly draws me down the hallway, but I shake my head vigorously and force myself to look down the one to the right. A warm, bright glow comes

[I forgot how to continue]