Writing for the Sake of Writing

Alone

December 28, 2015 12:50pm

Poem

Even though I sit here, surrounded by friends
I feel so lonely here, so afraid
Yet I've no clue why it lurks deep in my mind.

This sadness I can feel, It's almost telling me
This misplacement I can tell, I don't belong
Why does it hurt if I know it's the truth.

The cause of this is unknown, fleeting
For humans are ecstatic and erratic, unstable
Emotions are never direct or grounded.

I feel this would be best, to disappear
Brave this on my own. as to not hurt another
With this stupid need to be needed.

They sit there asking and asking, "Are you okay?"
Sorry my dear friends, but I am not
I'm useless to you all as a seed to never grow.

Racing in fear from emotions, never to win
I won't survive this fight, with myself
I can only sit to myself and regret what I am not.

I just want to be happy, like every seems to me
To be able to smile with glee, carefree of life
Something normal or unlike my own, is my wish.

As the sky looks down at me, sadly with a tear
Does it also regret that I am here, or pity me
I'll never know because my density prevents me.

Cursed, blamed, and beaten to rot, all alone
Will not one prevail past my wall, which I have built
Or shall I rot eternally waiting in my defenses.

Why do I feel my heart drop, it's just a game
That we lost because of me, and my derailing faith
Like they've always said, it's all my fault.

My useless words in an empty book, forgotten
But who am I kidding, they've cared
Yet here I am feeling unwanted and thrown.

I hurt them either way, staying or leaving
A never ending cycle, doomed to repeat
Why do they come close if they know it's poisonous.

I can't take this anymore, this pain
I don't want them to help, just stop
Stay away from the monster I'm becoming.

I can only remember so few memories, ancient
From the past they stay, never to replay
Those anecdotes that break me inside.

Have they not realized yet, to evacuate from me
Can they not listen to me, stay away I say
Yet they remain close by when I feel distant.

They' can't blame me, what's about to happen next
For I tried to warn them, stay away
Stay away from was a simple phrase to follow.

The world around me crumbles, no longer the same
I can't say it's blue anymore, for it's become red
Red as the feeling overtaking my mind.

It's almost worst than before, when I was alone
Unable to be saved by anyone, now more than before
A wrath built up that was untamed.

They keep pushing forward, questioning me
Seeming so surreal in their own worlds, oblivious to mine
Why couldn't I have lived their lives instead of my own.

You can no longer say I didn't warn you, for I did
But now the strings have broken, shredded and burned
And you're standing in my way.

I refuse to be alone anymore, I don't care what happens
The self I couldn't contain, is now free
There is nothing left I can do to protect them

But,
It's my own fault for expecting the impossible,