Bumps in the road | J. Puckerman (1)

Promise

I started to walk up the stairs to go to bed but then I felt something. I felt my heart get faster and my cheeks get red. I sat down and put my head between my knees thinking that it was probably just some flare-up that would pass.

It started getting harder to breathe, it felt like a thirty-pound weight was crushing my chest. The words of my parents and the words Blaine and I had promised each other rang through my head.

I tried to yell for Blaine, but I knew the second I opened my mouth I would cry. If dad heard me cry he would give me something else to cry about. Sadly that wasn't just an expression for him. It was a game, a game of how loud he could get me to cry, of how long until I passed out from fear or pain, and a game of how long until Blaine would scream and fight him back.

I walked to my room, hugging the wall and trying my best to breathe. I knew Blaine would be in within twenty minutes to tell me goodnight so I just had to wait. I grabbed Elephant and held onto them for dear life. I tried to sort through the thoughts in my head but I couldn't. I couldn't stop them and I couldn't fight them. I needed Blaine, I needed my big brother, I needed my Bug, I needed my safety. So I waited. I waited and counted to ten over and over again gasping for air every now and then.

I felt the tears running down my face and my eyes burning. It felt like the walls in the room were getting smaller and everything was going black. I wanted to scream, I needed to find a way out of the racetrack that was my brain, but I couldn't. I couldn't get out of it until I had Blaine, so I waited and tried my best to breathe. I just waited.

Sometime later Blaine knocked on my door. I have no idea how long because it felt like five hours, but realistically it was only a few minutes.

He knocked on my door again, "Goodnight Nugget, I love you"

I tried to respond to him but all I got out was a squeak. He walked into my room and sat on the bed, letting me lay my head in his lap. "What's the matter, baby sister? I thought your date went so super good?" He asked, putting my hair into a ponytail and rubbing his thumb on my cheek.

"The promise and- I can't I don't want- Kurt," I said, trying to get my words out.

Kurt hated how close Blaine and I were, and it was hard on Blaine. He never left me and I never want to leave him, but he probably thought that now, because I have a boyfriend I'm going to leave him. The truth is I would leave any guy, girl, or person if they made me choose between them and Blaine. Not just because of our promise, but because he is Blaine and he has always been there.

"What about Kurt?" He asked me in a soft voice, still rubbing his thumb on my cheek so I knew he was real, "did Jake do something?"

I couldn't get my words to work the way that I needed them too but I knew I needed to get out that Jake didn't do anything wrong, "Not Jake."I told him through tears, "not leaving you.... don't want to." I said, grabbing his other hand and holding onto it so he wouldn't disappear. I moved his hand on different parts of my face, doing everything I could to keep him from poofing away into nothing."

"Shhh shhh shh Emmy. Shhh Emily look at me." He said, letting me do whatever I needed with his hand. "Emily I know. I know you aren't leaving. I know because I know you I know who you are and I know that you aren't leaving. I'm not leaving either baby sister, I'm right here. It's still Nugget and Bug even if we have a partner. It's okay, we are okay"

We weren't okay. Blaine was going to just disappear, I could tell. "No, no no please no," I cried.

"No, what Em?" He asked, wiping my tears. "Neither of us are going anywhere. I promise, you are going to go to bed and I will be right here. I'm not leaving I promise."

"I'm not going to leave you because I found someone who won't- won't- for someone who won't hurt me. You can't hurt me he is wrong. He's wrong, I know," I cried.

Cooper had always told Blaine that when I found a boyfriend, that no one would care about him. He would say that it's the 'family legacy' to hurt me, and one day Blaine would do it too. I knew it wasn't true, Blaine couldn't hurt anyone unless it was to keep someone else safe. He punched his bag if he had to do something, but that brought on coppers favorite line 'one day that bag is going to be your little Nugget's face.' Cooper and our father always told us that it was only a matter of time until I cared about a guy more than Blaine and he would be alone.

Blaine pulled me into his chest and kissed my head, leaving his head on mine so I could feel it. "I know you aren't leaving, and I know you know who I am. I know because you remind me when I don't know. We aren't leaving each other. I know."

I put my hand on his head and tried to pull him closer, "I need you to be real please," I cried, trying to keep my voice quiet.

"I'm real," he said, signing the word real as he said it so my brain could process it better. "We are both so so real and here together. Nugget and Bug are real together," he soothed.

I laid there for a while, grabbing at his shirt or his hand every few minutes to feel him be real. At some point in the night, I fell asleep. I crashed, knowing that when I woke up Blaine would still be there.

My big brother, my Bug, my safety would still be there when I woke up and days after that. We were safe and we were together.