Bumps in the road | J. Puckerman (1)

Flashbacks

TW: mentions of sexual assault, a slight overview without any details will be at the end of this chapter in bold so you know what happened in a hopefully non-triggering way

My brain was spinning and for God knows what reason. Jake and I were just sitting on his bed watching TV but I was spinning.

I was stuck on the time Daniel was going on and on about my eating disorder. Jake's jaw clenched and he stood me up off his lap giving me to Blaine. He took Daniel into the hall by his shirt and started slamming his head into the locker yelling something along the lines of 'if you don't know what you are talking about, forget it. Then he would hit his head on the wall again and scream 'forget it' again. I went out there and talked to him, and got him to go to Emma's office. He was... protective and very loving, he just didn't know how to show it.

I knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt me intentionally. If he did hurt me, he would talk to Blaine to make sure I was okay and to let him know that whatever happened after that was my choice. He did that after the cheating situation that really wasn't even a situation. He just wanted me to be comfortable because sex is a sensitive topic for me.

"Whatcha thinking, beautiful?" He asked, I interrupted my thoughts.

"Cooper," I said, slapping my hand to my mouth.

Shit.

"I- I um nope. I'm thinking about simply how much I love my necklace," I told him playing with my butterfly necklace and trying to save my cover.

He brushed my hair out of my face and kissed my forehead, "do you need me to move or call Blaine?"

"Mmm mmm," I told him, trying to push the thoughts from my head. The thoughts of what would've happened if Blaine didn't open the garage door when he did. The thoughts of what would've happened if he stayed a few minutes longer to share another kiss with Kurt.

"Okay, beautiful," he said, softly scratching my arm. "I'm going to text your bug. Do you need to be in our little bubble, feel my heart, or just have some Emmy space?"

I shook my head the second he said 'space' the only thing I needed space from was my brain. I needed space from the circles, the 'what ifs', the fear, and the pain.

"I'm right here, I won't leave. Just tell me what you need baby girl. I'm right here," he soothed, using his fingers to comb through my hair.

I didn't know what I needed other than my brain to stop. I needed to stop spinning I needed to get out of my stupid brain. I wanted to be with Jake, not back in time three stupid years ago.

I dropped the necklace from my hand, putting around my neck protectively. Jake saw my hand cover my throat, then he knew where my brain was, "oh baby girl, he's not here. It's just us. Emily and Jake, Ems and Jake, Emmy and Jake," he told me, using all my nicknames hoping one would stick. "Blaine will be here in a little bit, Ems, you're okay. I've got you, I'm not going to let anything happen."

I knew he wasn't, but he wasn't there. I could hear him, and I could feel him holding me tight enough to keep me feeling safe, but loose enough that I could move.

He was keeping me safe, but I didn't feel safe. I felt safe with him. Safe with my Jake, but not safe in my mind. I tried so hard to ground myself, grabbing at his shirt, playing with his hair, tracing his tattoo, kissing his neck, but nothing worked. My mind was racing and I couldn't stop it.

My brain was there. I couldn't get out, I was back. I grabbed my neck and started sobbing, "get off!"

"Okay, okay," Jake said dropping his hands. "I'm sorry baby girl. I won't touch you. I'm going to stay here until Blaine gets here, then I will go."

No. Don't go. I don't want you to go. I want my stupid brother who I know isn't here to go. I want the thoughts of my spinning head to go. I want his hands to not feel like they are on me.

"No!" I sobbed, grabbing him back and holding onto his arm. "Please please no."

I could here all of Coopers words. 'Blaine isn't here to save you', 'we're gonna have a little fun tonight... well at least I am.', 'You at least are gonna pretend to like it', 'you tell anyone and you are dead. You know I can do it.'

"Shhsshh" Jake said, putting his hand on mine. "Okay beautiful, this is what we are going to do. We are going let Emily be in control. Jake will hold Emily if she wants. So I'm going to help you stand up, then I'm going to sit down, and then you put your body where you want it to be."

When he sat down I moved over to him and sat on his lap, looking up at him then hiding my face in his neck. I cried and kissed his neck, trying so hard to keep him real.

He kissed the top of my head, lightly wrapping his arms around me and holding my head for the off chance I fell asleep. "I'm right here, just do what you need. I'm right here."

Blaine showed up a little later and softly knocked on the door, "hey nugget, you okay baby sister?"

No. I'm not okay, my brain is spinning and I can't get it to slow down the way I need it to. I'm fighting my brain that Jake is safe and that Blaine is safe. Blaine's brain is probably spinning too.

"I'm okay baby sister. Blaine is okay. Can I touch your face?" He asked, he never touched me when his brain was fast, so I guess this is a good thing?

"Mmhmm," I said, my eyes huge, looking up at Jake and back at Blaine. "You stoped him because of the door."

Blaine softly rubbed his thumb on my cheek, "shhh you're okay, you're okay."

"You broke his nose and he had to leave," I told him, holding onto his hand.

Blaine and Jake let me tell them what happened, remembering the details and helping me feel safe where I was. Jake talked to his mom and was allowed to stay over. I slept in the middle of them holding on to both of them for dear life. Terrified one of them will poof away into nothingness.

Overview- Cooper tried to sexually assault Emily. He stopped because he heard the garage door open. (Blaine coming home) when Emily told Blaine, he broke Cooper's face