The Princess of Terrasen

Aiyra and Eirel

I found myself wondering more about Aiyra's relationship with her son and how she came to love him the way she did. This is inspired by a drabble I saw on tumblr a fairly long time ago and i can't remember what it was or where to give credits, but I thought it was eerily similar to what Aiyra's journey as a mother would be, so I put my own spin on it of course, but I just thought it was an important note :)  I do think this would be the turning point in their relationship, when Aiyra can finally set aside her own trauma enough to realise Eirel is not Sebastian and take any lingering fear of parenthood away.

"Come on," Aiyra muttered quietly, watching intently from where she was sitting cross legged on the table as Eirel put all of his focus into mastering the small amount of fire he had inherited from her.

His well of magic, nearly as substantial as hers, had more of her grandmother's water than her fire or wind, but the little he did have had to be controlled.

The flame on his hand winked out of existence and he looked up, practically beaming, his Ashryver eyes lighting up in his excitement.

"I did it!" He practically screamed, racing across the room to her and she couldn't help but grin as she bent to pick him up, setting him on her knee.

"Yeah you did. Good job." She ruffled his hair, tugging gently on the coral strands and he laughed.

"It didn't even hurt my hands this time!" He thrust his hands up, nearly hitting her nose and she was almost cross eyed trying to look at them. They were slightly pink, much better than the last time when he gave himself a slight burn.

"You're the best," she offered with a smile and he laughed loudly, sitting up so he could put both his hands on her cheeks and then said between giggles

"No, you are!"

Her skin crawled and she fought the urge to knock his hands away, instead focusing on that little kernel of warmth deep in her chest.

"Mama?" He said after a second, scratching at his hands "can I tell you something?"

The hesitancy in his voice causes her heart to skip a beat.

"What? The fire didn't hurt, did it?" Forcing her own hand to remain steady, she reached for his, examining every inch. "You have to tell me the second it hurts, you know that."

"I know, Mama. I wanted to know something else."

"What is it?"

"The fire is a friend, right?"

"...Yes. The fire's a friend." Her throat bobs, but Eirel doesn't notice.

"I thought you said it wouldn't hurt me or you."

Eirel frowned deeply.

"Yes but I saw you with Fahien that day. In the healer's wing. You were getting a burn on your leg fixed."

He tapped her right leg and this time Aiyra instinctively knocked his hand away, breath locking in her throat. Eirel tilted his head in confusion, brows furrowing.

"Does it hurt?"

"No," she said eventually "that happened a very very long time ago. I was just a little girl and I didn't know how to control my magic yet. That's why I'm teaching you now."

"You shouldn't lie," he said quietly, with all the brutal honesty a child does not know to keep in check. "You said it hurt. To Fahien. You were crying. Why does the fire hurt you, Mama?"

He was right. It hadn't really troubled her too much before, the pain kept in check by the skilled healers in the palace, but it was a harsh burn and months of neglect had brought all the pain back until she could hardly walk. Especially since Eirel. She'd found it was more common for old injuries to flare up. Her knee, once broken almost beyond repair would twinge whenever she stood for too long. Her wrist seemed to always click now, and there was an ache in those phantom scars from the spear that had gone through her mate's ankles.

But she didn't tell him any of that. She just flinched slightly, then looked at him sternly, but the concern in his eyes had her gaze softening. She sighed, almost reaching to pull him closer, to hug him, but she stopped at the last second, hands fidgeting in her lap.

"Well...it's because I'm not as strong as you."

Eirel wouldn't understand. Not now. But someday he would. For now, he just scowled, face reddening in the way it always did before he started shouting.

"You are strong!" He practically shouted, eyes alight with a blaze of fury that could have come only from her. Even the tears didn't dim that anger as they started dropping onto his cheeks. "Don't say you aren't! I know you are!"

She stared at him in astonishment, unable to comprehend what he was saying. What had she done to garner this reaction?

What had she done in seven years to convince her son she was strong?

Eirel looked sheepish now, fidgeting restlessly as he waited for her reaction. She didn't hesitate to pull him closer against her chest until his head rested in the crook of her neck. She pulled back just enough to kiss his forehead, running a hand down his back. She may have been holding him more tightly than was necessary, and she held him there for as long as it took to blink away the wetness gathering in her eyes. Then she sat back with a small smile.

"Yes, Eirel, it hurts. I have a lot of burns from my fire and they do hurt. But I have you. And when I'm with you the pain goes away, okay? You don't have to worry about me."

"But I don't want them to hurt. Can't I fix them?" He lurched forward again, clumsily wrapping his arms around her and accidentally pressing his knee into a burn on her thigh. She bit back the cry of pain, wrapping her arms around him in return until he pulled back himself. He was smiling now, hope replacing the anger in his eyes.

"If you don't want it to hurt you know what you should do?"

"Tell me! I'll do it, I promise!"

And Aiyra wondered what Sebastian would say if he heard her being such a sap, and it was with his quiet laughter in mind that she said

"Keep smiling like that, okay? That takes all the pain away."