the spark we lost

5

It was May and we'd just graduated. We'd handed back our caps and gowns, trading them for diplomas written in Latin, emblazoned with our names, first,middle and last. I walked into Le Monde with my family- my mother, my father, my brother Jason, two grandparents and an uncle. They seated us next to another family, a much smaller family— yours.

You looked up as we filed by and you reached out, touching my arm. "Lana!" you said "Congratulations!". I shivered. All those months later, feeling your skin against mine did that to me, but I still managed to say "You too."

"What are you up to?" you asked. "Are you staying in the city?" I nodded. " I got a job working in program development at a new TV production company- kid shows." I couldn't help grinning. It was a job I'd been crossing my fingers for almost two months before I got it. The kind of job that I'd started thinking about soon after the towers fell, I admitted that I wanted to do something more meaningful than advertising. A job that could teach the next generation and had the potential to change the future.

"Kids shows?" you said, a smile playing across your lips. "Like Alvin and the Chipmunks? Will they have helium voices?"

"Not quite," I said, laughing a little, wanting to tell you that it was our conversation that led me there, that the moment we shared in your kitchen meant so much. "How about you?"

"McKinsey," you said. "Consulting. No chipmunks for me."

I was surprised. I hadn't expected that, after our talk, after hearing your analyses in Johnson's class. But what I said was, " That's great. Congratulations on the job. Maybe I'll see you around the city sometime."

"That would be nice," you answered.

And I went to sit down at the table with my family.

"Who was that?" I heard someone ask. I looked up. There was a girl next to you with long straight hair almost to the middle of her back and her hand on your thigh. She'd barely registered, I was so focused on you.

"Just a girl I know from class, Minka," I heard you say. Which, of course, was all I was. But somehow it stung.