the spark we lost

31

It's funny to experience the same thing with different people. You see how they react, and how they meet or subvert your expectations. It happened with Tom a lot. I had assumed that you were the male standard, that you acted the way all men acted. But really, there is no standard.

The first morning Tom and I went running together was the second morning he'd stayed at my apartment. He'd come from work with a gym bag that he'd never actually brought to the gym. He said he'd meant to go before he got to the office but there was trouble on the subway. I believed him. But that next morning, while we were running, he admitted the truth: he'd packed it in the hope that I'd invite him over, and this way he'd have more to wear than just his work suit.

"What if I didn't invite you over?" I asked him.

"Then I'd carry my gym bag back home and drown my sorrows in pretzels dipped in peanut butter."

"Pretzels dipped in peanut butter?" I asked. " Really?"

"It's a delicacy," Tom said. "I swear. After we finish running, we can buy some."

Tom can run faster than me, but he didn't make a big deal of it. He waited until I started running, and then paced himself next to me. That way, we could talk without any trouble. It was a pleasant surprise. Did you notice that I hardly even agreed to go running with you? We never talked about it. We probably should have. When we ran together I always felt like I was reining you in when you wanted to fly.

I started lagging a little bit.

"You okay?" Tom asked.

I nodded, gathering strength. "I can keep up a little longer." I said.

"You don't have to ," he answered, slowing down to a walk.

"You can keep running," I told him, as I slowed down too. "

"Get your workout in." That was what you did, after I tired out.

He shook his head. "I'd rather walk with you than run alone. And you know walking is a good workout too. You burn the exact number of calories walking a mile than you do running one. It takes less time when you run."

I looked sideways at him, wondering if he was really being honest. It seemed like he was." You don't get the cardio though," I said.

He shrugged. "But I get to spend time with you."

~

I had sex with him for the first time that after noon. That felt different than it did with, you too. Not worse, just different. He was slower, thoughtful, and checked in to see if I liked what he was doing, if there was anything else I wanted. At the beginning, I thought it was a little weird, but toward the end, he'd started to win me over. I began to give directions, which I'd never done with you.

"Put my legs on your shoulders," I told him. He did and slid further inside me.

"Oh my God," he whispered, thrusting faster.

"I know," I said. My eyes were closed and I could feel him hitting the spot deep inside that would make me orgasm. "If you keep doing that, I'm going to cum," I told him.

"Me too," he said." We'll come together."

I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me. His eyes were dark normally, but now they look almost black.

My breathing changed pitch and so did his. We were both so close, and waiting for each other.

"Now?" he asked
"Now," I said.

And we both let go. I felt tears in my eyes as I came, and they slipped down the sides of my face into my ears.

"Are you okay?" he asked, after he'd slid off the condom and rolled next to me in bed.

"More than okay," I told him. "I'm great."
"Me too" he said. "More than great."

He wrapped his arm around me, and we lag in bed together for a while, not talking, just breathing.

I thought about you, then, for a little. Thought about how everything was different with Tom. But I didn't fall apart. I didn't break.

Maybe it takes a man to get over a man- or maybe he was helping put me back together.

this chapter was woah i would have detailed the smut but i literally don't know how to describe sex anyways- i hope you're enjoying the story and sorry for the big wait i was busy with volleyball practices and i was reading books cause my dad got me some. i'm going to take like 2 hr break from typing on my phone so i'll see you in two hours 🤟 ciao.