the spark we lost

18

When we got home that day, you gathered me and my bags into your arms and raced up the two flights to our apartment, fumbling one handed for your key while I hung on to your neck , laughing.

"What are you doing?" I asked . "You're nuts."

"Couldn't wait any longer," you said, pushing the foot open and tossing me onto the bed. You threw my bags on the couch and then came back, already pulling your shirt over your head. "Seeing you in those gowns, knowing you were naked in that dressing room... excruciating."

I pulled my T shirt off, too, and unhooked my bra. When I slipped it over my shoulders, you moaned. "Lana," you said.

And then you climbed onto the bed with me and your lips and fingers were everywhere and I was moaning too, my back arching, and then you were inside me and I felt complete, like I always did the moment you slid into me.

"Christopher," I said between breaths," you make me feel infinite."

You bent your head won and kissed me hard. "You make me feel invincible," you whispered.

Love does that. It makes you feel infinite and invincible, like the whole word is open to you, anything is achievable, and each day will be filled with wonder. Maybe it's the act of opening yourself up, letting someone else in- or maybe it's the act of caring so deeply about another person that it expand your heart. I've heard so many people say some version of I never knew how much I could have another human being until... And after the until is usually something like my niece was born or I gave birth to a child or I adopted a baby.I never knew how much I could love another human being until I met you, Chris.

I'll never forget that.