the spark we lost

6

New York is a funny city. You can just live there for years and never see your next-door neighbor and then you can run it to your best friend while getting into a subway car on your way to work . Fate versus free will. Maybe it's both.

It was March, almost a year after graduation, and New York City has swallowed us up. I was living with Scarlett on the upper Eastside in that huge apartment that had went to belong to her grandparents. It was something she and I had talked about ever doing since we were in middle school. Our childhood dreams had become a reality.

I've had a six-month fling with a coworker, a couple of one nightstands ,and a handful of dates with men I'd deemed not smart enough, we're not handsome enough, we're not excited though in hindsight there probably wasn't much wrong with me at all. Actually if I went there and I might've said the same thing about him.

Without the constant reminder of Philosophy Hall or the East Campus dorms., I'd stop thinking about you— mostly. We hadn't seen each other in close to a year but you did pop into my mind at work when I was skimming storyboards with my boss, when we were reviewing episodes focused on acceptance and respect. I thought about your kitchen and felt good about the decision I made.

Before long it was Thursday, March 20th and I was turning 23. I'd had a party plan for the weekend but my two closest friends at work, Writers room Alexis and Art department Julia as you call them later, insisted that we have a drink on my birthday.

The three of us had become obsessed with Faces and Names that winter because of the fireplace and the couches. The temperature was hovering around 40 , but we thought that the bar might turn the fireplace on if we asked. We've been there enough during the past few months and the bartender liked us.

Julia had made me a paper birthday crown that she insisted I wear and Alexis ordered all of us apple martinis. We sat on the couch in front of the fire coming up with things to toast before a sip.

"To birthdays!" Alexis started.

"To Lana!" Julia said.

"To friends!" I added.

Which developed into: "To the photocopy machine not jamming today!" and "To bosses who call in sick!" and "To free lunches scrounged after fancy meetings!" and "To bars with fireplaces!" and "To apple martinis!"

The waitress came over to our couch with a tray that had three more apple martinis on it.

"Oh, we didn't order those," Julia said.

The waitress smiled. "You girls have a secret admirer." She nodded towards the bar.

There you were.

For a moment I thought I was hallucinating. You have us a small wave.

"He said to say Happy birthday to Lana."

Alexis's jaw dropped. "You know him?" she said. "He's hot."

Then she picked up one of the new martinis that the waitress had places on the table in front of us. "To cute boys in bars who know your name and send you free drinks!" she toasted. After we all took a sip, she added "Go thank him, birthday girl."

I put the martini down, but changed my mind, taking it with me as I walked toward you, wobbling only slightly on my high heels.

"Thanks," I said, sliding onto the stool on your left.

"Happy birthday," you answered. "Nice crown."

I laughed and slipped it off. "It might look better on you," I said. "Want to try?"

You did, crushing your curls with the paper.

"Stunning," I told you.

You smiled and put the crown on the bar in front of us.