Lacunae

Chapter 16

As if cold water has been poured over me, I stopped on my track frozen. Then panic hit me, "No. You can't do that."

Her brows rose, "You and I both know that if there's anybody who can, it'd be me."

"No but..." I tried giving logic, "you know how much this job means to me. You can't take it away."

From the corner of my eyes I saw Kevin just as in alarm with the sudden news and Zack utterly confused.

"You should have known the moment you decided to go against me, that you would have lost that badge," then she scoffed as if taking my position a joke, "whatever little power it holds."

My eyes started to get hot. I knew I was not talking with my grandmother but the head chief and she was trying to hit every possible spot as she forcefully grabbed my eligibility for permanent position at the CIA.

I swallowed the lump that was building up in my throat, "I don't accept this."

"And you actually think you have a choice? You've become too full of yourself Valarie." She was mocking me and I knew it wasn't easy for her to do so but she knew she had to, for that is what her job entails, and I was an agent under her jurisdiction. Not to mention, she was completely driven with her personal emotions towards me.

I stood there silent, not knowing what to do or say. She was already trying to put me into place with hurtful words and it was working.

She continued, "I told you to always watch your actions, to never get too full of yourself. That such will drive you to do foolish actions that will inevitably lead you right into danger. From this day on, you have no relation with the agency and that is final."

Kevin stood in front of me and finally decided to speak up, "It was my fault. I had the chance to stop her but I didn't. I was supposed to do what was right, to look after her actions but I couldn't. Please reconsider your decision. It won't happen again."

Kevin reached out for my hand behind him and gave it a squeeze. I look over his shoulder to where my grandmother was. She rested both her elbows on the armrest and put her fingers together. She looked at us.

"You're right. I had put her under your care until she becomes a permanent official in the agency with certain rules and reminders and I must agree with you that you didn't do a good job at it." She said in a matter-of-fact way. "But then again, I know how convincing she can be. Especially to you."

"No but..." Kevin tried but he was cut off by my grandmother.

"Okay then, I'll keep her in the agency, she can stay. But, I'll hold you responsible for all of her mistakes and strip you off your badge instead."

My eyes went back and forth to my grandma and the back of Kevin's head as his hand tightened around mine.

With one deep intake of breath Kevin started to reply, "Okay, I—"

He was once again cut off by her next words, "What do you say Valarie?"

I knew and she knew it was game over. She had won and I had lost. We both knew, even Kevin knew, that I would never do that to him. The CIA has become his family ever since he was young. It was the only life he knew and to strip him of his life for my account, is not something I would be able to bear for the rest of my life. And the three of us in that room, with the exception of Zack who was just awkwardly standing at the side, knew it.

Without another word, I pulled my hand off Kevin's grasp and walked over to my grandmother's table. She looked at me directly at the eyes as I pulled my ID from my pocket and dropped it on her table.