Unrealistic

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Eric

  

Sunlight trickled through the blinds of my bedroom window. My arms stretch toward the ceiling and I yawn loudly. I roll over to the other side of my bed and hear a crackling. I reach around the sheets to find the new and improved, Phoebe approved, bucket list.

BE’S (just in case) BUCKET LIST

Own a Vietnamese Pig

Make Lanterns (Like the ones from Tangled)

Get a Tattoo

Bake a Layered Rainbow Cake

Learn to Ballroom Dance (Like in Tangled)

Swim with Dolphins

Go to a Drive In

Zorbing

Take a Psychology Class

Never Fall in Love

My eyes rest on the last one longer than I would like to admit.  I think back to the beginning of summer when Be and I took our annual trip to the County Fair.

~~~

I had a tight grip on Be’s wrist as I dragged her towards the brightly colored Ferris wheel towering before us. Like she did every year Be tried to get out of our yearly Ferries wheel ride. This time she decided to dig her heels as deep as she could manage, jerking me to a standstill. I know she hates how the compartments flip but it’s the only time each year I can fool myself into believing that someday we could be a couple. It’s alright though since I buy her a funnel cake in return afterwards.

“Come on Be, this is our tradition. We have to ride the Ferris wheel, please!” I begged drawing out the please until my lungs ran out of air.

“Fine but this is the last year, okay,” she insists like always. I can tell she is suppressing a smile in an attempt to be serious.

“Great!”

Be is pacing as we wait our turn, she’s so nervous. Finally the ride is over and I pull Be alongside me to the ride. The control man is locked us into one of the egg shaped compartments and we are falling back into the circle. I lean back slightly just to mess with Be.

“Eric, I’ll kill you!” she screeches and squeezes my hand until I can’t feel it anymore.

“No you won’t we’re best friends we couldn’t live without each other,” I reassure her.

I can tell she wants to say something in response but the ride has already started to spin.

~~~

I’m never going to have the chance to take her on that Ferris wheel again. I had planned to ask her out on that Ferris wheel someday; now that will never happen. Even after we got the news about Be’s condition I still had that shred of hope that we could have a little time together.

I remember when we were younger and my crush had just begun to bloom. The summer before middle school was our first year going the County Fair together and I was ecstatic.

~~~

The wind spiraled around us as the Ferris wheel spun high in the air. The blue cage wire that surrounded us smelled like puke and from the look of Be’s face it was about to get worse. I reached over to hold her hand and she almost broke my fingers her grip was so tight.

“You’ll be fine!” I shouted into the air.

She clenched her eyes shut and squeezed my hand even harder. I raised our conjoined arms in the air and screamed. Be joined me but I sense that it wasn’t for the same reason.

The spinning started to slow and eventually halted to a steady swing, much to Be’s delight. I swung my weight back and forth trying to get the compartment to flip one last time. I was nowhere near ready for the rush to end.

“Would you quit it!” Be hollered at me.

The cart was swinging fast enough that one more rock would flip us in the air. I started to lean back but then I saw my best friend huddled in the corner opposite me. Her eyes were molded shut and her hands were hanging on to the safely bar so tightly I was afraid it might break. In this moment I realized that I wanted to be more than just her best friend. I wanted to protect her so she never felt scared again.

Without further contemplation I stopped rocking and brought the cage to a stop as best I could. Be was still super glued in fetal position by the edge of our seat. I reached over and pulled her beside me; we stayed like that, arms wrapped around one another, until the control man opened the door for us to get off the ride.

“I don’t care what you say, I’m never going on that death trap ever again,” Be tells me.

“Really ‘cause I was thinking we should do it next year, you know make it our tradition,” I joke nudging her shoulder with mine.

“I’ll consider it if I get something out of it.”

I think for a moment, “what if I buy you your favorite carnival food every year after the Ferris wheel ride? Will you ride it with me then?” I cross my fingers behind my back.

“It has to be the biggest funnel cake we can find and I get unlimited toppings,” she counters.

“Deal!” I grin and motion for her to lead the way to the stand with the biggest funnel cake money can buy.

~~~

Looking back things were so simple then; I had thought that when I got older it would be easier to ask her out. Little did middle schooler me know, age doesn’t make things any less complicated. I would have never thought I’d give anything for another day like that one; one with cancer free Be, just so I could tell her how much I love her. At least back then I had a fighting chance to win her heart but now that she has sworn off love, I may never get that chance again.