Unrealistic

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Eric

I have come to the conclusion that Be was right, emergency room ceilings were depressing. I'd like to elaborate on that, emergency rooms in general are depressing. Between the aforementioned ceilings, the generic tile, and the lumpy hospital bed I can understand why so many people die here. Forget heart attacks and aneurisms people die from depression due to the pitiful décor.

While I'm at it I may as well complain about the chairs the family and friends are forced to sit in. Talk about crappy, this chair feels like they just picked it up from the junk yard and dumped a bottle of Lysol on it.

Be is still asleep to the world but the doctors here said she should wake up soon. An hour ago I told her dad he needed to take the exhausted Val home. I suppose he decided to take a nap too. I know he needs the sleep, we all do.

I hear the crinkling of the papery hospital sheets. Be was struggling to sit up straight and reach for her water glass at the same time.

I reach for the bed remote to push the back of it up to a seated position. Be smiles weakly and gulps down the entire glass of water the nurse had left for her.

"Do you need any more?" I hold my hand out for the glass.

She nodded slowly.

"Are you feeling any better now that you've slept?" I check.

Be doesn't respond. I turn the faucet of the bathroom sink on and fill the glass as much as I can. When I step back into the main room I see Be's knees pulled up to her chest, her forehead resting between them, shoulders shaking roughly.

I leave the full glass of water on Be's nightstand and take a seat on the bed facing her. She turns up her chin to me, eyes red and puffy. I lean forward and wrap my arms around her thinning shoulders.

"What's wrong? Did I say something?" I ask, worried.

Be sobbed into my shoulder; I can feel her mumbling something but her tears make it unintelligible. I pull back a few inches so I can see her face.

"Calm down, I can't help if I don't know what's wrong; and I won't know what's wrong until you can tell me. So take a deep breath," I instruct. Be takes a shuddering breath in and forces it back out. "Now do it again, one more deep breath." Her inhalation is a bit smoother. "Keep breathing like that. Everything is going to be just fine," I lie. It becomes clear that this is the first time I've lied to her about cancer. Although I hope it is the last, deep down I know it is the first of many.

"I-" Be hiccups, interrupting herself.

"Breath slowly," I chastise.

"Being in the hospital-" she hiccups again, "like this again," she takes in a whooshing gulp of air, "makes me feel like it's all over."

"What are you talking about? Nothing is over. You are still here, your family is supporting you and I'll always be there for you. You know this, Be. What brought all this on?" I am shocked, last time she was in the hospital Be acted like nothing happened. Now I am not sure what to do that she is so upset about being back in the same place.

"I- I just don't want this to be over," she sobs. "It's all gonna be over before this summer is."

As Be dissolves into sniffles and I rub circles on her shoulder. Her shoulders start to shake again and I have to remind her to take deep breaths.

"I'll always be your best friend, Be. Nothing will ever change that, I promise," I hug her tighter.

"But I won't be here to be your best friend. We won't be friends and Valerie won't have a sister and daddy will lose another person in his family to cancer because by the end of summer I'll be dead. I will be cold, blue, and rotting in the ground by Christmas. Then by next summer everyone will have forgotten that I was ever here," she cries.

"No, no, no! It's not going to be like that at all. I'll miss you ten years from now when I'm out of college, a thousand miles away. Val will never forget how great of a sister you were and when she goes to prom she's gonna wonder if you would have liked her dress. And your dad will always love you, he isn't mad at you for being sick. This isn't your fault and it never will be. You can't control this anymore than I can so listen to me when I say stop stressing about how everyone else feels about how you feel," I reassure her. "We all love you, we will always love you."