Competition

Chapter 13- Hate Me

Y/N

TW Depression is mentioned

Lou kept texting the following days. I didn't answer or bother to look at them. I knew that the best thing was to stay away; for me, Lou, and Lou's friendship with Debbie. I needed to do something to make her not want to be with me.

I still couldn't find the business papers and I looked everywhere in my office and around my club. I asked around, but no one knew where they were. I eventually gave up and kept myself busy trying to keep my club alive. It was still struggling and since I didn't plan on joining Lou's club, I was stuck with a failing career.

My head still a mess, I needed to come up with a plan so that Lou wouldn't like me anymore. I didn't want to hurt her, but it was the only way. In all honesty, I was helping her. None of my relationships ended well, and I was just speeding up the process.

The last person I had been with was terrible. I truly felt bad because they had loved me like no one had before. They were a good person. I just wasn't in love with them and I wasn't going to waste their time in a one sided relationship. So I broke it off and left them heartbroken. I didn't want to leave, but they could find someone better than me. Someone who reciprocated their feelings.

At that time, I was also not in a good place in life. My mind was playing tricks on me and making me miserable inside. All my life I had struggled with depression and I was going through another phase of it. I can always tell when it is coming. I can feel it change in me, shifting my perspective on life. I didn't like to talk about it, to my family or anyone. And it also led to me pushing away the one person that loved me.

I wasn't going to string out what I had with Lou, only to break it off in the end. I didn't want it to end, ever. But I know myself, and I always find a way to fuck something up.

About a week after I had talked with Tammy, I was walking the streets of New York. The air was cold and harsh. Each gust of wind throwing me off balance. I had been moping around all day, not feeling productive at all. I had a few drinks before I went on my walk, but I was still conscious of my surroundings. I had no real destination in mind, but I needed to get out from my club and house.

Before I fully realized it, I was at Lou's club. I went inside not leaving anytime for my brain to signal for my legs to stop moving. I was a little drunk and didn't have a real grasp on what I was doing. There, I was transformed into the nightlife of the city. There were strobe lights on and music blasting. A bunch of people were dancing around and having fun.

I saw Lou for the first time in what felt like forever. She was sitting at the bar talking to someone I didn't know. She was as beautiful as I remembered. Her blonde hair falling perfectly down on her shoulders with her signature rings and necklaces on. She locked eyes with me and stared at me for a few seconds. Her mind must be spinning in circles from the look she was giving me. I could feel the sharpness and passion even though we were far away from each other. I didn't know if the passion was love, or frustration. She got up from her chair and was headed towards me. Her long legs moved fast and she was advancing on me quickly.

I panicked and lost myself in the crowd of people. What was I doing? I shouldn't have come here.

I saw out of the corner of my eye, this random girl. She was looking at me while she was dancing with, who I'm guessing, were some of her friends. I had never seen her before. Never on the streets or in any of the shops. She was very pretty and young. It didn't compare to the beauty of Lou though. She was also pulling me inwards and I was not at a position to turn her down.

I couldn't see Lou anymore so I went up to her. I wasn't thinking and started to dance with her. It might have been the liquor moving my body but I was okay with that. We swayed with the loud music and the flashes of lights felt like a dream. I wasn't on drugs, but I might as well have been because my perception of reality was not coherent.

We moved with the beat of the music in almost slow motion. Every breath and muscle tightening and releasing with each bounce on the floor was enhanced with the look of desire on the girl's face. All of the people dropped out of eyesight as we danced and the music wasn't as loud anymore. The smell of sweat and alcohol was everywhere, but I pushed it aside and glided as a new song started to play.

I came back to the materialistic world as I glanced around me, surveying the area I was in and saw Lou. She was still hunting me down. My heart started to beat faster and faster. I could have cried right then and there, but I sucked back my tears. I didn't want Lou to love me. If she couldn't be with me, she could hate me.

I quickly turned to the girl I was dancing with and asked "May I?" and grabbed the front of her shirt pulling her closer to me. She nodded yes and before I knew it, we were making out.

~Authors note: consent is key kids:)