Competition

Chapter 26- Long Life Crush

Tammy

I opened up to Y/N about my feelings for Debbie. I knew she didn't like Debbie which is understandable since Debbie was being a bitch to her. To my surprise though, she was very kind to me about it. I wasn't sure what I expected, but I was sure that the reaction I got was the best that could have happened.

With my marriage, it was never strong to begin with and as the years went on, I couldn't keep faking my feelings anymore. My husband could sense it, but he was never the kind to talk about his feelings. Then I would see him go off at night and leave for a couple days at a time for work trips, but I wasn't that stupid. I just didn't care enough anymore to fight with him about it.

I loved my children dearly though. I know it would hurt them to see us separate, but later they would see that it was for the best for everyone's lives. I would still be their mother of course, and they would have their father as well, just not us together.

As for Debbie, I wasn't sure if she was even aware that I liked her. It would be difficult to not notice it, but she has been stuck on Lou since the beginning of time. I knew I would never compare to Lou even if I tried. I also knew that Lou didn't love Debbie. I honestly felt bad for Debbie, chasing a love that was never going to happen, but it was what I had categorized my love for Debbie. However, there is a slim chance that Debbie could like me back.

I thought about what Y/N had told me.

What do you have to lose?

She was right. I wasn't being held back anymore. I was just afraid to be rejected. That night, after Y/N left, I paced back and forth debating on if I should finally take action or stay the way it has always been with useless flirting. I went to bed with it still on my mind and by the time I fell asleep, I already knew what I was going to do.

I woke up to my alarm clock as usual and got the kids ready for school. I packed their lunches and backpacks too. I sent them off on the bus and waved as they rode away. I did like being a mother, to have the responsibility of another to take care of. I just wasn't happy having kids with the person I chose to.

Once I saw the bus round the corner and leave my sight, I went back inside and grabbed my coat and keys and got in my car. I was nervous. My palms were slipping over the steering wheel and my foot kept shaking over the gas and brake pedals. I was finally going to do what I have wanted for years now. I was just so unsure about Debbie's response.

It was a mistake to drive myself because I wasn't focused on the road. I was thinking of everything else. It was a good thing that I didn't crash, I was lucky.

__________

I first met Debbie years ago, before she had even met Lou. We were just teens, tagging along with her brother, Danny. We were stealing small things and helping a little bit with her big brother's heists. We were impressed with his work and looked up to him for guidance. Danny didn't want either of us to follow his path, but who was going to stop us?

I remember Debbie telling me about how she was going to steal great things when she was old enough. She would always talk about how she needed a big heist to prove herself to her brother, to me, and for her own confidence. I always knew she was smart, and one day she would pull off something great.

In the end, she did do something big and extravagant, but she had gotten caught before too. Before she met Lou, I was her partner in crime. We did everything together, but little did I know that I was falling in love with her along the way. I wasn't positive if she did like me back then, but we were still very close.

Debbie kept on with her plans to do something huge, but I was scared. I didn't think that I was going to be a help for her crimes she had planned in her mind. I was going to hold her back and I was letting go for her safety. Debbie was upset that I was going to leave, and I think she still holds it against me to this day, but I let go for her, not for me.

I later found a man I was fond of and built a perfect life that is romanticized on television and books. A nice housewife with her working husband and children to fill the rooms in our home. It was to feel happy, but it was all superficial happiness.

I was also in pain because my love for my family wouldn't compare to my feelings for Debbie. It also scared me from the fact that Debbie loved Lou.

I admit, Lou is an amazing person. She is kind and tough. She was beautiful and intimidating. I couldn't compete with her.

__________

I parked quickly and rushed out of my car. I had to do this now and quickly before I doubted myself and my confidence. I pushed open the front door. Debbie was sitting on the couch and was alarmed by the abrupt entrance.

"Debbie, I love you" I let go of my composure and let everything out. "I understand if you don't love me at the moment, but I am hoping that you will be open to giving it a try and seeing if our relationship can go somewhere."

"Umm. I need to think." Her eyes were wide and she ran out of the loft quickly. I wasn't sure where she was going, but I wanted an answer so I decided that I would just wait for her until she came back. This was her house, so she would be back eventually.

I texted Y/N and updated her on the situation. I wasn't looking for advice, I just wanted her to know how things were going. I sat and waited inside for about an hour. I made myself comfy as I normally do and sat on the couch, listening to some music on the record player that was in the middle of the room. I was surprisingly fine even though I hadn't gotten an answer yet. I felt good knowing that I had faced my fear and told Debbie how I felt.