Say You Won't Let Go

Please don't let go

The sound of explosions erupted through the city. The ground rumbling beneath us. The five of us remain seated behind the wall.

My head is pounding like never before. I have managed to remove my gloves and push up the sleeves of my uniform. The black veins pop out of my skin. My hands tremble as I raise them slightly to look at them. I can't stop coughing. This time it's different. Something inside of me seems to be wanting to spill out of my mouth. It's causing a big load of pain from my lower stomach to my mouth. Hell it's be easier to name the places where I don't feel pain. My throat itches and I'm forced to release another set of coughs. Although this time, black blood manages to fall out of my mouth. I gag, trying to wipe it away from my mouth with my sleeve.

I need to distract myself. I look over at the boys. Newt sits with his hands on his head, probably feeling guilty. Minho's right beside him, rubbing his back to comfort him. Thomas and Gally stare at me, worry fill their eyes.

"We can make it," Gally says loud enough for all of us to hear. He glances behind him just to be met with the bright colors from the flames.

"I thought they were only supposed to be taking down WICKED, not the entire city." Thomas says.

"We've got to keep moving if we want to catch Brenda in time." Gally tells us, standing in a crouched position. His launcher in his hands.

"Wait Gally," Minho speaks up. "Why are you helping us? I put a spear through your chest."

"Well, nobody's perfect." Gally stands up, giving Minho a quick pat on his shoulder.

Newt finally looks at me. The second he does I wish he never did. Tears prickle his brown eyes. I've only seen my boyfriend cry a few times. It was a rare sight. He was usually so strong, so collected.

How could I leave him like this? Newt is my everything. More than anything I wanted to believe that we could be safe and start a life together. Maybe even get married and have kids, but some things aren't meant to be. And truthfully I'm so scared of letting go because this time it's different from before.    There will not be a next time. This is it.
The finish line. My work here is done.

Newt uses his hand to touch my cheek. The feeling gives me goosebumps, although he's done it a million times before.

"Let's go love," Newt moves his touch from my cheek to my arm. I groan a bit once Newt pulls basically my entire weight off the ground. Immediately after he wraps my arm around his shoulders. Minho coming to help like he did minutes ago. They're not going to give up. It scares me because I don't want my friends to see me as a crank. There's a possibility of hurting them while unknowing, and I don't want that to happen. They've got to leave me.

"You guys have to leave me," I heave, "I'm holding you back. Just leave me."

"I'm not leaving you," Newt's voice cracks a bit.

"Forget it. We're going to make it." Minho says from my other side.

I want to argue, yell, shout, beg them to leave me, but my energy is draining quicker by the second. The sanity inside me escaping with every breath I take. Any could be the last I take as a semi-human.

My eyes sting, feeling smoke and dust.

"This way!" Gally shouts, running ahead into the chaos.

Shadows portraying human figures appear on the buildings. Flames causing them to be there.

Newt and Minho carry my entire weight. I struggle to keep one foot in front of the other. My vision blurring and unfocusing from second to second.

Every step I attempt to take results in the two boys lifting me higher like a child playing with their parents. Just like I used to.

Wait. Huh?

An image fills my head.

A grown woman with h/c hair exactly like mine walks through a small backyard. She holds onto the hand of a young girl, it's me. I don't know how I know, but I do.

They say your life flashes before your eyes when your dying, but this was different. Maybe it was like the changing from the griever sting. Once you were sick, you started to remember your past. The Flare was probably similar.

I allow my mind to wander, letting myself collect a part of my lost life before I leave this world. Newt and Minho are already basically carrying me, so it wouldn't make a difference if I tried to walk when I couldn't.

The scenery returns. This time I see that holding the other hand of the young h/c haired girl is a man. He's got dark hair and facial hair. He looks exhausted, almost sick, but he still manages to give a heartwarming smile on his face. My father. Laughter echoes and the man turns to his left and there's a young boy, a little taller than me. My older brother. The dark haired boy peeks forward, to speak to the person who stands on the other end.  Another boy, also taller than me, but not taller than the first one. He has the exact same hair color as me.

A tear falls out of my eye. I had a family. Obviously I had parents whom I didn't remember, but I also had two brothers. I can't recall any of their names, and it saddens me. Another part of my life that WICKED stole from me. What makes me even sadder is that I haven't a clue where they are now, or if their even alive. Maybe I've even met one of my brothers before. Who knows if they were out in the same maze as me. That I didn't know, and I never will.

My ears feel as if I were under water. Where I only hear muffles of sounds. All of them sounding fuzzy and distance, like they're from a far away distance.

I slam my eyes shut, feeling as if I were punched in the stomach. I grunt, causing my hearing to somehow go back to normal. Bullets sounds and shouts fill the air. Newt and Minho gently bring me to the ground, leaning on yet another hard wall.

"Lawrence and the others are ruining the plan Gally!" Thomas shouts.

"I didn't know they were going to destroy the city Thomas!" Gally fights back. "You think this was my idea?"

Thomas ignores him and pulls out his radio from his pocket. "Brenda it looks like we're not going to make it. You got to leave without us." Thomas explains over radio.

"I'm not leaving you," I heard Brenda's voice coming from the small appliance.

Newt sits right next to me, holding my hand in both of his, squeezing it in a non painful way.

I continue to cough up black blood, this time not bothering to wipe it away. I can't fee anything anymore. I'm almost past the gone.

"Please hold on. Please." Newt repeats, kissing my hand over and over as he cries, actual tears falling.

It pained me almost as much as the virus seeing the love of my life this way. Newt has already been through so much. He doesn't deserve a thing that's happened to him. And what hurts me the most is that I can't comfort him this time. No lie Can cover up the truth that we all know is bound to happen. I'm going to turn into a crank. Whether the others want to admit it or not.

And I'm sorry.

I'm so very sorry.

I tried.

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