Say You Won't Let Go

If you're still breathing you're the lucky ones

YN's POV in the last scene:

The virus was taking over me and there was nothing I could do to stop what was bound to happen to me.

When I could fight it enough to push through, I found myself hurting the one I love most in this world. I caught glimpses of me attempting to do terrible things to Newt. I couldn't bare it anymore. I was cluelessly attempting to kill my boyfriend, and I would continue to hurt others as a mindless crank if I didn't put a stop to it.

So when I gained sanity once again, I found myself standing in front of Newt on an abandoned street. He looked afraid. Afraid of me.

The worried look he held on his face broke my heart into a million pieces. My Newt was afraid of me. I wanted to cry as I stared at the blonde boy.

I can't risk hurting him anymore. What have I become? I'm a monster. I'm a crank. I did the one thing I feared in this world. I hurt the ones I loved.

There's only one thing left to do if Newt won't do it himself.

My gaze fell upon the blade. I clutched the knife in my cold hands.

This is the only way. I thought to myself as I stare intently at the weapon I bared in my trembling hands.

This must've been how Newt felt all those years ago when he tried to end his life. He never wanted anyone or anything to hurt me, yet here I was, the one who was hurting him. I could kill him accidentally and the image would haunt me for the rest of eternity so I was willing to die if it meant Newt lived. He deserved happiness as much as any one of us. I have to do this for him.

So without a second thought, I brought the sharp metal, slowly making it turn towards my chest, where I will easily die with a hit to the heart.

I don't even bother to look at Newt one last time, even though I want to see his face one last time. But i don't because I know he'll make me rethink my choice, so instead I push the knife towards me. Dying for Newt was the only way I knew he would be truly safe, safe from me. I knew for a fact he would do it for me, so I had to do it for him as well because that's how much I loved him. I would rather sacrifice myself just to know the one I love is safe.

Newt will understand. (Don't hate me book readers 😭)

So I close my eyes, ready to accept my fate. And even in my last moments, Newt is the only one that I think of.

I'll forever miss him.

"YN DON'T!" The British accent I have learned to love calls out. It tempts me to stop my actions, but I can't lose control before I do it.

What happens next seems to occur in slow motion, and even my body cannot comprehend what happened until it happened.

Newt's POV present:

"YN? YN?!" I continue to call out to the girl I love most who falls in my arms.

I sink to my knees due to the pain from all the pressure I've put on my leg, but I don't dare drop YN. I pulled the knife away, or I think I did. My breathing quickens as I desperately try to find where it is the blade landed. I look around me, not spotting it on the ground anywhere. "No no no no no!" I cry, finding blood on my hands. Her blood. YN's blood. And then I spot it. The knife. It's punctured into her lower stomach and I smile in relief, realizing it didn't manage to hit her heart.

"Love?!" I gently shake her. YN's eyes remained closed. I start to panic for what feels like the millionth time today, but immediately stop myself so that I can help my poor love. I lower my head to her chest, trying my best to hear that quiet thumping sound indicating that she's alive. Nothing, I can't seem to hear anything over the chaos. But as if a miracle's answered my calls, I hear it. Her heartbeat. YN's alive, but she won't be if I don't help her. She'll bleed out if I don't treat the newest wound that's engraved into her flesh.

I grip the edge of my unzipped jacket and tear it off. The knife's next to take care of. My hands shake as I reach for the blade. Staring at YN's bloodied face, I push through the fear I hold inside and I rip the blade out without hesitation. As soon as I throw it to the side, I shove the fabric in its place, applying pressure to the wound. I study YN's facial reactions, desperately wanting her to show me a sign that the human her is still in there. YN groans, tilting her head back in my lap. Her lips part as I continue to apply pressure and she lets out a breath.

"YN stay with me love. Hold on please." I keep nursing her wound. "Hold on. Please don't let go. Stay with me."

"NEWT!" Minho's familiar voice rings above the bullet sounds and sirens. "YN! THOMAS!"

"OVER HERE!" I yell as I cry, needing help in order to keep alive the girl I love.

My friends' footsteps sound closer by the second. They're footsteps creating a thumping sound on the ground. I lift my head to see Minho, Fry, Gally, and Brenda standing before me. They're expressions all show a worried look as they stare at YN, who dies in my arms.

"Help me," I cry, clutching onto my other half. "Please help me," I beg.

I never really asked anyone for help, but right here in this moment I was so afraid, so weak, and worried that I wouldn't be able to save YN after she was the one who saved me.

Minho rushes towards me, holding onto the tube of the bliss in his hands. He falls to his knees, taking in the sight of one of his closest friends, dying on WICKED's grounds. Minho shoves the tube, into YN's neck. I gaze at her, wishing that she would wake up.

I sob, not bothering to hide the tears or be ashamed.

"We need to get her back to the berg Newt." Gally speaks as Brenda and Fry come closer to the girl they had also befriended, months ago.

"She was stabbed." I vaguely explain, letting them know that she needs medical attention immediately. "She'll bleed out if we don't take her now." I continue to cry.

"I'll take her, but we got to hurry! The whole city's being blown down. We got to get out of here!" Gally says, approaching us. "Newt where's Thomas?" The former builder questions, just now realizing that the brunette boy is no longer with me.

"He went to get the cure." I tell him, not taking my eyes off of YN. "He's still at WICKED's buildings."

"We need to move now if we want to make it out of here." Gally pressures, lowering his gun to take YN from me.

"Wait." Frypan stops him, stepping forward. "I'll take her. Gally needs to guard us and lead the way, and the rest of you are too weak at the moment. It's the safest way."

"Okay." I say in an almost whisper. Frypan crouches beside the h/c haired girl ant carefully takes her limp body from me. "Thank you Frypan."

Frypan nods. "Let's go!" Gally runs ahead, making his way back to the berg. Minho holds me by the shoulders, carefully pulling me up to my feet.

"She's going to be okay." Minho attempts to catch his breath, and also comfort me at the same time. I nod slowly, trying to take in everything that just happened before my eyes.

After all this fighting and suffering we've been through I wouldn't allow this to be the end in YN's story. I won't let the flare take her away from me, not when it had stolen everything away from me already. It would not steal her. I won't allow it.
I promised her happiness. I wanted to give her the world.

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