The Midnight Rantings Of Someone Lost

You texted (2)

You texted me today, I was at work when you did.

I saw the notification, using it to read your text.

It's not what I wanted it to be.

It has nothing to do with the past few days.

I told Chris today.

I think he wants you to apologize for my sake.

I know he does.

You barely acknowledged Chris when we were on the phone.

He noticed the way you interact with me.

Your more than platonic feelings still there, still showing.

That's how I know this hurts you too.

You lost a girl you knew you couldn't get.

The one who spotted your depression less than a week into knowing you.

The one who defended you.

The one who dismissed the signs.

I lost a friend.

One I didn't bond with over trama

One who will never see the "before" version of me.

One who knows both nothing and everything about me.

One who showed me what it's like to be happy.

Our pain is not the same.

You lost a crush you knew could never become more.

No matter how much she wished, no matter how much she tried to not hate the idea of being with you. Only knowing your gender, voice and age. That was enough though, for despite her efforts she could never see a man the way you see me.

I lost someone who I could talk to about almost everything. Who I could call, and escape into the video game with.

Our pain is not the same. I also lost hope when you did this.

You know I haven't seen your text.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I told you goodbye, not forever, just until you grow up.

I want to respond.

I want to tell you that I won't be playing, because of you.

Do you know part of me fears you?

I have no way of knowing why, but I do know that I do.

I probably wouldn't of told Chris if you hadn't texted.

He's too good for this world.

I don't know if you could ever see that though, for his skin is darker than yours.

He said it was best if I just give it time.

Time hasn't healed my other wounds.

How long?

I haven't done this before.

My other wounds cannot be healed by others in any way.

I've been told this is what break ups feel like.

I hate it.

It scares me, because I told my ex girlfriend I loved her, but it never hurt like this.

Did I never love her, in our three years?

Do I love you now after barley five months?

Is this what love is supposed to feel like?

I do not enjoy it.

It's been over 48 hours since we talked. Ten since you texted.

I told my parents.

My mother was mortified, she was sheltered, she still is.

My dad wasn't surprised, he plays video games.

Why does this hurt so badly?

Is this what love is supposed to be?

Why do I still care for you?

How much longer will I be in pain?

I don't know how long I can go on like this.

I want to text you, asking for you to understand.

I want you to apologize so the pain will stop.

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A/N-

Emotions are weird y'all, also this one is connected to the part before.