The Midnight Rantings Of Someone Lost

I loved you (3)

It has been nearly four months, you'd think I'd of moved past this.
For some reason I appear to be unable  to.
I am begging to think that I did love you.
When you love someone you can look past everything, no matter how bad.
There were warning signs, your crush on me was clear, so I thought some distance would be good.
I was wrong, we fell right back into everything.
My feelings only growing, yours becoming more obvious.
I knew of your views, but for once in my life i looked past them.
That is a mistake i will never make again.
I do hope that one day you'll understand what that did to me, and apologize.
I am realistic though, and i doubt that will ever happen.
Instead you will just get lower and lower in my chats, eventually hidden.
You never knew the before me, and i think that's why this hurts so much.
You never saw me in a depression, but you heard what I was like in one.
You never saw all of me.
I think that's why it hurts still.
I have so much control over our communication.
i never allowed myself around you when I was vulnerable, i made sure of that.

More than three months have past, so why is it that i want to text you?
Ask you about school.
Ask if you're doing better.
Ask if you'll be shipping out soon.
Ask how your brother and sister are.
Ask why you wouldn't just listen.
Ask why you had to be so stubborn.
Ask why that word is even in your vocabulary.
Ask you to truly explain what happened.
Ask you to never do anything of the sorts again.

I still think of you, enough to write this.
Love is something that hurts people.
Love causes people to see red flags as white.
Love means you will do whatever necessary to help and protect someone.
I did all of these with you.
I am beginning to think i loved you.
After though all the red flags came shining through, but i still wanted to work everything out.
You made that impossible though.
You crossed a line i can't look past.
The pain it has caused me is no where near the pain the word's history holds though.

I loved you.
And you fucked it all up

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Uh yeah so this is the 3rd poem(?) relating to this event, they're numbered in order.

Also love how i said I'll try and upload every week, and it's been over a month.