When Souls Collide

Stars Shine In The Darkness

Hello, everyone. I'm not dead, and I have no real reason for not updating in so long besides generally not having the motivation. I'm sorry for making you all wait so long, I hope this update is at least enjoyable. I'll try to do better soon, but I can't make any promises. Thanks for sticking with me.

...

Sora stares up at the night sky, Riku long gone from the island. Sora had taken them back to the Mainland and then come back here himself because he didn't want to go home just yet. So here he is, lying on the bent tree in his favorite spot on the island, staring up at the stars and listening to the soft sound of the waves below. He feels safe here, like nothing can hurt him, not even his own thoughts and feelings. He said he was joking when he asked Riku to run away with him earlier, and a part of him was. Another part of him however, wanted so badly to do just that. 

Everything is just too complicated, and he's starting to hate every part of his life. Drowning in superficial feelings and sad thoughts. Angry with his family, and sad at the same time. Afraid of losing his friends, but he's the one letting them walk away, if not the one pushing them first. Who am I anymore? Sora closes his eyes, breathing out a long sigh. I wish I could go back to when I was little, and everything was fun and simple. 

"Feelings are dumb." he opens his eyes and continues to look at the sky, "I wonder what Kairi would say about all of this.."

Chuckling to himself, he muses sadly, "If  ever called her back, maybe I'd know. I miss her.. I hope she hates me."

Sora pushes himself up and looks out at the moon over the water, watching the rippling reflection in the waves. Why did he suddenly so much want to throw himself in the water and let whatever happens happen? He slides off the tree and walks to the edge of the formation his favorite spot sits on. He knows the water here isn't deep, that there's no risk he'd drown if he jumped down, but the thought still appeals to him. To just jump in and swim away and never stop until he physically can't move anymore. He steps forward, standing on the very edge, leaning on a coconut tree.

He crosses his arms and closes his eyes, letting the wind blow through his hair and smell the salt on the air from the water below. He thinks of his friends, of his family, and of Riku. If he just disappeared, they'd all be so sad, he knows that. Is this how Roxas feels? Sora opens his eyes and stares at the moon, "I'd disgrace everything Roxas feels this way for if I do this.."

He sighs and moves back, turning away from the ocean. Making his way across the island and back to the docks, Sora feels numb. What does he deserve, if he doesn't even deserve to feel sad? What does he even feel sad for? Because Kairi left? Petty. Because he pushed his friends away? Ridiculous, it was your doing. Because his Mom hates his brother? Not my place to feel anything about. Because Roxas tried to kill himself? Drama queen, it's about Roxas, not you. 

What do I really deserve to be upset about?

He crawls down into his canoe, Nothing. I need to get myself together and get over this. He unties the canoe from the dock and starts rowing away from the island, back towards the Mainland. Drowning out his thoughts, he rows in silence, wishing Riku could have stayed a little while longer. Riku always makes him feel better, but is it really okay to spend time with Riku just to feel better about himself? I'm terrible. 

Sora sighs, reaching up to wipe the tears that are forming in his eyes, "What is wrong with me?"

He continues rowing, ignoring the tears that fall down his face despite his attempt to stop them. Getting back to the docks on the Mainland, he ties his canoe off and climbs out. Making his way home in the dark, lit only by the moon and the street lights, he stops outside Riku's house. He looks at the dark windows, covered with curtains. He wonders what Riku's doing right now, and if he misses Sora as much as Sora misses him right now. Probably not. I'm clinging to him, I need to stop.