so it ended. somehow i knew we would end up here. everyone always leaves and i get upset. I wish i could rip my heart out and never feel again. i don't know why i fear death so much. I guess its just because i'm not actually suicidal, i'm just depressed and i want attention. somehow i feel like attention would make me feel okay. i sit here and scroll through tinder as if that'll make a difference. I found somebody who i thought would be the one. we love each other, just in different ways. my life feels worthless because he is perfectly fine with me completely out of his life. I guess people would be sad if i was to kill myself but nobody truly needs me in their life. people would be sad for a day but then move on. Im not that important in anyones life and i guess ill never be. i cant stop crying. i feel like im doing this all for attention too. i took a safety pin and scratched it against my skin to make all of these little cuts. that just shows that im doing this all for attention. Id take a blade to my skin if i actually was depressed. im so fucking pathetic that i rely on one person in my life to make me happy and that person doesn't even need me in his life. he has other girls that would be much better for him. he truly loved a girl at some point, but that was not me and never will be. i know i could always just go find somebody else but why? nobody is going to ever be better than him because im a worthless piece of shit. i wish i had the balls to just fucking show my misery to the world. I wish my current feelings meant something. i wish my mind didn't constantly seek attention this was i could know whats real and what isn't. i fucking hate myself.
