Bucky Barnes: The love of my life

"Is it the baby thing?"

A MONTH LATER

You and Bucky just had a very hot shower...

"Hey buck?" You say as you're in-front of the mirror putting your earrings back in. "Can you grab my sparkly silver heals out of the closet? We're gonna be late."

You're going out to dinner tonight with all of the Avengers. Every once in a while Tony likes to have these dinners so you can all catch up, even though you live in the same place and know each other's every moves basically.

"Yea, can you tie my tie for me please? I still don't know how you do it." He walks into the bathroom and helps you put on your shoes and you help with his tie. "Thanks babe. Do you need anything else before we go?"

"Just my phone off the nightstand. My hairs just going to have to be damp I don't have time to blow-dry it." He grabs your phone off the nightstand for you and you head out the door.

———————

At the restaurant, everyone is ordering there drinks, everyone but you and Bucky got alcoholic ones.

"You both should try the Martinis, I know Mr. Barnes is more of a whiskey/beer drinker but they're good with olives." Tony say.

"Bucky can have one if he wants but I'm gonna stick with water." You reply.

"I'll just stick with water too." You've stopped drinking since trying to get pregnant and Bucky has too. Not that it really affects him, but he knows how much you'd like to chug a glass of wine sometimes and he doesn't want to tempt you.

"What? Come on guys, it's our night out, you two haven't been since your wedding. Have a drink!" Tony insists.

"No, really tony we're fine." Bucky says. "We're just going to stick with what we have."

"Are you pregnant?" Wanda asks abruptly.

"No..." you start to get a sting of tears in your eyes. You wish you were pregnant. "We're still trying. But, I'd rather not talk about it so can we...?"

"Did anyone watch the super bowl last night?" Steve sees how uncomfortable you are and how upset you're getting so he intervenes. You give him a silent thank you and he nods.

"Nobody watches your mortal sports Capsticle." Thor replies.

After that dinner is okay. Everyone's avoiding the topic of baby's and it eventually gets un-awkward.

———————

You get home and Bucky stays in the kitchen to get some snacks, his meal didn't really fill him. You go up to your room and Steve follows.

"Hey," you're sitting on the bed looking down at your hands when he comes in. "Are you ok?"

"Yea- I'm fine." You aren't very convincing.

"Is it the baby thing?" He asks.

"We decided to stop trying. If it happens it happens. If not then...I'm not going to be a mom." The words hurt. And you start to cry. "I want a baby so bad. We've tried so hard, we've done everything we can. We could adopt. If I adopt a child I'll love it just as much as my own blood, but I want the baby to look like him, I want the baby to be ours. And I know even if I adopt the baby will be ours. But it's different. Adoption and a surrogate are my last resort."

He comes over and sits on the bed with you and holds your hand. "I want to look into our child's eyes and see his or her father in them. I want the baby to have his smile, his snarky-ness, his charm... Being a mom, carrying my own child, it's everything to me, and for some reason. I Can't. Get. Pregnant."

"You know how when you plan things, they go horribly wrong?" You nod. "You try and try to have a baby, and you can't. And then, when you least expect it, there's a baby. Life's not perfect. It doesn't go according to plan." You cry and nod. You lean into him and lay on his shoulder. He puts his arm around you and comforts you.

"You got that speech from Grey's anatomy." You say laughing.

"I heard it once when you were watching it with Bucky. It applied. It's the thought that counts. And it's true."

"Thank you Steve." Is all you manage to say between tears.

"Of course. If you ever need anything, I'm here. Okay?" You nod and wipe your tears. He still has his arm around you and you're still leaning into him. His comforting is nice. He's a good friend.

"Hey baby, what's going on?" Bucky says as he enters  the room seeing you in Steve's arms with your eyes red and puffy.

"Steve was comforting me, I was upset because were still not able to get pregnant." You reply. Steve kisses the top of your head and stands up, Bucky replaces him. "Thank you Steve again, I'll talk to you later."

"Of course y/n. I mean it anytime, ok?"

Bucky nods a thank you at him and he leaves. You readjust yourselves and you lay on his chest on the bed.

"I promised you a baby, and I know I haven't given you one. But I will do everything I can to make sure we have one. I know I've told you that before but...It takes time and we're both doing everything we can, it's not like we can have sex 24/7. I would love to but we would be exhausted." You chuckle and he kisses your cheek. "I love you so much."

"I love you Bucky. And I know we're both doing our best. It's just so hard, trying and trying, so hard, and failing. But maybe if we stop trying so hard, it'll happen. Maybe we need to just let it happen..."

"Okay. We can do that. Do you wanna get some sleep my love? You've had a long day." You nod and kiss his chest. "Okay. Goodnight doll."

"Goodnight James." You whisper.