Bucky Barnes: The love of my life

"I dont even know where to start."

Your POV:

I'm allergic to coconut. I use peppermint chapstick and so does Bucky. He likes the coconut one but never uses it because of me. But Steve does. Steve uses coconut chapstick and Bucky wouldn't risk putting it on, on the off chance I won't kiss him. There's no way he would put it on voluntarily. So why would his lips taste like Steve's? Unless...

I can't let myself think that until he tells me. He has to tell me for sure. I've thought about the way they are together before, sometimes I even catch them looking at each other the way Bucky looks at me. But I've never said anything about it. Because I convinced myself they loved each other as a brothers. But was I wrong?

"Buck?" My voice breaks as I feel tears streaming down my face. When did I start crying? "Baby you're killing me. I need you to tell me what happened." He nods and pulls himself together. Or tries to.

"I don't even know where to start." He takes a pause to breath and my hands slide of his cheeks, in turn his slide onto mine. "I love you so much." I chuckle as he says this. "That's a good place to start" I say, he chuckles and somehow he grows sadder. "I woke Steve up, he was so sleepy and I felt bad. And I don't know I ended up just hugging him, ya know? And it was nice. And I told him what a great friend he was and I felt bad because I have you and he has nobody. I've built this life and he doesn't really have one. I'm it for him. We're it. We're all he has. And you, Allie and our baby. We're his family. God help me baby I told him I wish he could have his happily ever after like I do...you put that happily ever after shit in my head by the way." He laughs and so do I. Neither of us are crying any more. We're sitting on the bed looking at each other holding hands.

"And he said he could never get his happily ever after, and I told him he could. I told him it was possible and he said he couldn't because the one thing he wanted...he couldn't have." My face scrunches. I try to fix it before he sees. "That's you?" He nods. Yes. "I don't even know what happened next. I know what happened. But I don't know how. We-...we kissed. Or I kissed him? I don't know but he kissed back. And then, we didn't stop until I stopped it. But it...it could've gone farther..." his voice started breaking again and i brought his forehead to my lips and kissed him gently. My lips were tingly from the coconut. But this is to important to think about that.

"But it didn't go farther. You stopped. It's okay." And it was. I didn't care that he kissed Steve. I know he loves me, he wants to be with me. This should effect me more than it is, but it isn't. If it were a women I would be pissed. But it's Steve. I can't be mad at Bucky for that. He's figuring out who he is I guess.

"It's not okay, I cheated on you. With a guy. And that confuses me so much. I love Steve. I know that. I just always thought- I don't know I thought he didn't. And that's why we never-I never- and then you. God I love you and you're all I want. You're all Ive ever wanted and I think it might've just been a one time thing. But I- I liked it. Not as much as you, because I love you." He's spiraling. He thinks I'm upset but I'm not. "James it's okay. I'm not upset." His mouth leans towards a slight smile. He goes to kiss me again but I stop him.

"Coconut." I explain. "Oh. I'm sorry come here." He grabs my hand and leads me to the bathroom where he washes both of our lips with soap and water. We both brush our teeth too, just to be safe. By the way he said it they made out so...I'm not deadly allergic but it could become an issue over time.

We go back to the room and sit on the bed. He pulls me half way into his lap and holds me. "So what does this mean?" I break the silence. "I don't know. I want to be with you. Your my wife. I want to be with you and our baby." He looks down at my stomach and he puts his hands on my baby bump. "What about Steve?" I put my hands over his on my belly. "I need to talk to him. But not now. I just want to spend time with you and Allie and our little soldier." He smiles as he says it. "What're you gonna say?"

"I'm going to say it was a mistake. Because it was. I'm going to say we can stay friends but there need to be boundaries. And it can't happen again." I nod and test my head on his shoulder. "Thank you for being so understanding. I feel like shit for putting you in this position. I'm so sorry." I plant little kisses in his neck up to his cheek. "It's okay baby. You didn't mean to. You know I honestly thought after you first brought me here that you two were together." We both laugh and he looks at me with a embarrassed smile.

"What!? Why!?" He laughs and it's so fucking cute. "I don't know just the way you two looked at each other and how mad he got when I flirted with you." There's a shine in his eyes I've never seen before. Like somehow kissing Steve made him more of who he was. It completed him. I don't want to make him hide who he is if this is who he wants to be. He finally got to kiss him and now he's shutting it down for me.

"Do you want to see where things can go with Steve?" His smile drops and he looks confused.

"What?"