Bucky Barnes: The love of my life

"The one thing I want, I can't have"

Bucky's POV:

My emotions get the best of me and I pull him into a hug. Allie jumped out of in between us and is searching around the room for god knows what. He's startled but he gives in. He hugs me back and it's relaxing. We hug for a long minute and I finally pull away, it almost killed me. "What was that for?" His face was red. He was...blushing? "I don't know...Everything I guess? You're a great friend Steve and I don't tell you enough. Both of us went through hell, and I got my happily ever after and I wish you did too."

His face turns sad. I've only seen him cry a handful of times. If that. I can see tears well up in his eyes and without thinking I put my hand to his cheek. He jumps at the touch of my warm hand across his even warmer face. "What's wrong?" He holds the wrist of my hand that's on his face. Its almost as if he wants to keep me there. "There's no way I would ever get my happily ever after." He whispers as a tear rolls down his cheek into my hand. I wipe it away. "Yes you can. You can still find your happy ending." This is so fucking cheesy. Y/n is the one who got me to believe in fairytales.

"No I can't, the one thing I want, I can't have." He avoided eye contact and I pulled my hand off his face. His piercing blue eyes finally met mine and I knew exactly what he was implying. I can't. I have a wife. A baby on the way.

We've pushed these feelings down for so long and NOW. NOW he decides to say it out loud!? I become filled with rage. But I...my actions are completely different. How the fuck did this happen?

We've always felt this way but I thought after everything, and he never said anything after I brought y/n back after saving her from hydra. I thought he was over it. I thought he was over me. So I married the women I love and got her pregnant with our child, and now I'm sitting here, with my best friend. The man I love-While my pregnant wife is waiting for me to come back to her with our cat- caught up in a breathtaking, passionate kiss, that neither one of us dare to break.

Until I do.

I pull away and stand up getting off the bed. I'm an idiot. Why did I do that? Why did I open this can of worms? IM HAPPY! I'm finally happy. Y/n and I are finally having a baby. And I just kissed Steve.

I feel him grab my hand as I'm walking towards the door and I pull away, only turning to look at him. "Buck..." is all he says. And it's enough to move me back into his embrace and kiss him again. FUCK.

This one is more. This one could really get us into trouble if we let it. He swipes his tongue on my bottom lip and I open my mouth for him. We're engulfed in this kiss. Completely taken over by one another as our tongues explore one another's mouths. Then I remember my wife. And my baby. And I pull away again. "I can't." I say breathlessly, low and husky. Almost seductively.

I grab my cat and I leave the room. I leave him. Without a second glance or another word. I can hear him plop down on the bed as I leave. But I can't turn back around. If I do. Who knows what I could do.

Your POV:

I've been laying in bed waiting for Bucky to get back for 10 minutes. If I weren't so comfortable I'd get up and get him. But he's probably just talking to Steve so I turn on the tv.

A few minutes later the bedroom door opens and Allie scurries in and immediately finds her way to me in the bed. She keeps pawing at my belly. I pick her up and hug her and pet her. She lays in my lap as Bucky comes in the room looking....defeated.

"Hey baby, what took you so long?" He walks over to me and starts crying. He puts his forefinger and thumb over the bridge of his nose and tries to hold himself together as he climbs onto the bed. I scoot closer to him helping bring him down onto the bed and lay his head into my chest.

"Aw, what's wrong James?" He doesn't answer. He just cries. And I don't know what else to do other than hold him. What could have happened? "James...honey. What is it?" He backs up and looks me in the eyes, it makes me tear up seeing him like this. What the fuck is wrong?

"I fucked up baby."

All I can do is look confused. The water leaves my eyes. "What do you mean? What happened?" He shakes his head and drops back into my chest crying.

"James. Look at me." He shakes his head no. "Look at me." I say it sternly but in a way that makes him know that whatever it is, I'll understand. "Everything's gonna be okay James, just look at me." He finally gives in and looks at me. "I don't even know how to explain what happened." He says, choking back tears. He hates crying and he starts to get mad because of the constant tears streaming from his eyes. Wiping them away angrily. "Can you try for me?" For some reason that makes him more upset. Again angrily wiping his tears. Through gritted teeth and voice breaking he says "I would do anything for you." I hold his face in my hands and kiss him. He flinches. And when I kiss him, I taste coconut chapstick on his lips.

I know exactly what happened.