We Each Have Our Reasons

Chapter Fourteen: I Don't Wanna See You

It's been a week since the doctor told me I was molested. And with those news came other news that something to do with my ovaries and tissue is damaged, and that's why I was bleeding. So I had to get stitches.

Ever since then, I've really limited the things I do. I've never been a person to ‘watch myself’ but now I go the extra mile to be extra cautious.

“River please don't tell me we're watching Down A Dark Hall.” Ty sighs and covers herself with a pillow.

“Yeah dude, like we've seen this movie a thousand times.” Tanae says in an exaggerated tone.

“I love this movie.” I say and eat some pretzels.

“Okay can we atleast watch something else for like three hours, and then after that we can watch this movie again? Pretty please?” Tanae says.

“Fine. But you guys have to take me out for lunch, everyday, for a week.” I say.

Ty and Tanae look at each other. “Pssh yeah we already do that.” Ty says and grabs the remote. She changes into a movie called The space inbetween us.

Tyler and Tanae finally learnt how to get along. I mean they're not really friends, but they're cool.

We watch the movie, it was so short. And after it ends Tyler excuses herself and says she needs to ‘go help her sister prepare dinner’. I don't buy it. She's been really secretive these days.

Tanae looks at me with a guilty smile.

“What?” I smile and ask her. She's so adorable.

“Dont you wanna go skating?” she gives me puppy eyes.

I tease her, “Pshh, you can't skate.”

“What? You know I can! I'll show you?” she stands up.

I knew she would've found a way to trick me into going. Typical Tanae. I won't lie though, I do feel like catching a breath of fresh air.

I stand up and we walk to my room and fetch our skateboards. Tanae leaves hers in my room all the time, because she only skates when she's with me.

“Why does yours look prettier than mine?” she stares at my board. I laugh at her, “Jealous much?”

“Whatever let's just go.” she pulls me all the way till we're outside. Now I know she's going to make it a mission to decorate her board better than mine. I don't mind honestly, she deserves all the prettiest things.

We skate down the road, Tanae making sure she does a lot of tricks and swirls to show off. She is very good at skating I don't understand how she didn't do it often.

I am not so bad myself, but I'm not doing any tricks to avoid hurting my abdomen. I can't do a lot of activities because I tore a tissue inside my vagina. I got fricken stitches in my vagina! I don't think I will ever get over this.

“How're you feeling...down there? Is it any better?” Tanae asks when we stop at the ice cream stand round the corner. I laugh at the face she made when she said “down there”.

I shrug. “I mean, the pain's bearable it's not as painful as it was at first. What sucks the most though is not being able to...you know. Get laid.”

Tanae's eyes widen. “Oh my god.”

I smile at her goofiness and order two ice cream cups for the both of us. Chocolate and mint for Tanae, vanilla for myself. We take them and start walking back to the house.

“Do you think you'll be back at school any time soon?” Tanae asks as we stroll down the street.

“I've been feeling better honestly I should've been back at school by now,” I giggle. “But I'll take any excuse to not go to school. Although I do think I should go back on Monday, you know before I miss on a lot.”

She hits my arm like she's just remembered something big. “Jaden is obsessed with you. You don't know how many times he asks or talks about you. It's so annoying. I mean he only says bad things but he's still obsessed.” she rolls her eyes.

“I know my biggest fan now.” i smile.

Tanae laughs, “Honestly he's so-”

“Hey, River! Hi Tanae.” a boy walks up to us and stands infront of me. “Hey.” Tanae replies. I know him from somewhere but I can't remember.

“Heyyyyy.” I drag the word so he doesn't notice I forgot his name.

“You forgot my name didn't you?” he laughs.

“Uhm, if you tell me the first letter I'll remember.” I say. “D.” he replies.

“Dickhead? I'm joking.” I say and he and Tanae die from laughter.

“Daren. We met on very awkward terms actually. I'm friends with Jaden? Remember me?” he says.

“Ohhhh, Daren, yeah I remember you. I still don't know why you're friends with that asshole because you're such a good person.” I mentally shake my head.

“Well, it's complicated. Anyway I haven't seen you around at school, you good?”

“Yeah I'm fine. Just had a mild fever for weeks.” I smile, sarcastically.

“Okay, see y'all around. Bye Tanae.” he says and starts walking away.

“Bye.” Tanae replies.

“What's with the sour face? Did he say something?” I ask Tanae. Because she looks like she's about to beat someone up.

She shakes her head. “Daren and I used to be friends when I was still with Jaden. The only reason why Daren is still friends with Jaden is because Jaden saw him kissing another guy. So he's afraid Jaden might tease or embarass him if he stops being friends with him. He's kinda in the closet still.”

“Oh, he's gay?” I ask.

“He told me he's bi but Jaden just keeps on calling him gay and using homophobic slur words. So he's just in the closet. So sick.” we start walking again. “I don't think I should've told anyone that. So keep it to yourself right?”

I nod. “Ofcourse.”

By now we had finished the ice creams. We walk back to my front porch in a comfortable silence.

“I think it's time I took this home. It'll come back looking prettier.” Tanae says as she puts her skateboard in her car.

We stand against her car and stare at the sunset.

“You're so fucken pretty you know that right?” Tanae says.

I look at her and smile. I put my hand behind her neck and kiss her.

I pull away and before I know it I had already said; “I love you.” 
I don't think I've ever said that to her and actually meant it. I have fallen in love with her.

She smiles and her eyes look like they're sparkling. “I love you too.”

She kisses me again before we say our goodbyes and she gets into her car. I watch her drive down the road before I walk back inside the house.

I walk in smiling. “Oh great you're back, look who's here.” my mom says.

My eyes furry and a sudden anger in me awakens when I set eyes on my brother. I had imagined this day unfold a thousand times in my head. I always asked myself what I would do or how I would react. And now it's finally here I don't know how to make of it.

“Hey kid bro.” my brother says.

He has always called me kid bro and I've adored it. That was before he left me all alone though.

“I don't wanna see you.” I say and walk down the hall to my room. I slam the door and slid down to the floor behind it. One thing I cannot handle is my anger and I hate that.

“Fuck!” I scream and start crying. All those times I needed him and he wasn't there just come flashing to my mind.

I stand up and push my lamp down on the floor and it breaks. I throw myself on my bed and start sobbing.

Its like my brain is reliving all those traumatic times.