We Each Have Our Reasons

Chapter Fifteen: Just Needed A Big Brother

My phone rings and wakes me up. It's always this stupid phone that ruins my sleep. It's 1am.

“Hi?” I answer.

“Oh sorry are you sleeping?” Ty says.

“I was. It's fine, what's up?” I sit up on my bed.

“The sky,” she says and snorts from laughing. I shake my head. “That's such a dad joke, Ty. Never say that again.”

“Okay jeez. I never said I was Trevor Noah anyway.” she says and I laugh at her.

“Anyway, I need your advice. Firstly, don't be mad, but I've been going out with someone for about 3 weeks now. And I think-”

“Wait what?!” I interrupt her.

“I was going to tell you! Now listen! So...I think that I'm falling for them. But everything's confusing.” she sighs.

“Who is he?” I ask.

“She.” Ty corrects me. My eyes widen and I stand up from my bed. “Waittt...it's a girl?!” I almost scream from excitement.

“Yes. And I thought I was straight but now this...and I really don't know how to deal with this crush arrrgh.” she sighs again.

“You're focusing too much on the gender. If you like her, fuck with her. Not a big deal Ty.” I say.

She goes quiet for a while. “But what if she's not into...girls?”

“Ask her! Oh my god Ty.” I mentally face palm myself.

“Okay okay. But does this mean I'm bi now?” she asks more confused than ever.

“Ty, you didn't even know you were into girls before this. You're gonna say you're bi right now but catch feelings for a non binary person in a few years. So it's never really a matter of fact.” I reply.

“You're confusing me. You know what, it's fine. I'll just stay away from her and force myself to get over her. It's just a silly crush.” she takes a deep breath.

“Ty, no! Please don't do that. This is your shot at a special bond with someone. Don't let it go like that.” I can't believe her right now.

“Okay fine River, I'll ask her on a date. But if she's not into girls like that I'll distance myself because ain't no way ima get friend zoned and stay friends.” she says.

I laugh. “Okay. Just try. And send me her picture right now!”

“I don't want to. Bye.” she hangs up before I can say anything.

“Fuck you Tyler.” I say to the picture of us hanging on the wall.

I switch off the lights and lay back in bed. My phone beeps and I open it. Ty sent me a picture of her and the girl infront of a mirror at the mall. They're so cute and look so happy.

“Yep. She's definitely gay.” I say to myself after examining the picture.

I send the picture to Tanae and caption it ‘u think the girl next to ty is gay??’

She replies within seconds.

Tanae: ‘DEFINITELY LMAO’

I text back.
River: ‘RIGHT 😂’

Tanae: ‘yep! i mean, the vans the shorts and an all black vneck tshirt?? very gay lol’

I laugh at what she said. Very amusing that an outfit will determine how gay you are but that's just how Tanae and I work. We spend our days examining people to tell if they're gay.

I text her ‘imo go back to sleep. text u later? I love u!’

Tanae: ‘love you too!’

I put my phone in the charger and cover myself with the covers. I can't believe how much I'm blushing right now.

It has become so easy to say “I love you.” to Tanae and actually feel like I said something right. And I love the feeling.

•
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•

I wake up to people chatting in the lounge. “Goddamn, ain't no reason to be that loud in the morning!” I shout loudly and hope they hear me, whoever they are.

I get up and wear shorts and a t-shirt, with my push ins and walk to the lounge.

I enter the room and instantly roll my eyes. My mom, brother and Sam are there. Just the people I don't want to see right now!

“Morning.” I mumble and walk to the kitchen.

“Good morning River. Did you sleep well?” my mom asks. I wish there were walls between the lounge and kitchen!

“Fine, you?” I reply and open the fridge.

“I slept okay.” she says.

I hear my brother stand up and walk towards me and annoyance fills my face.

“Hey, kid bro. Look I now I haven't been around much but it was never because of you. I just had...problems.” he whispers to me.

“Yeah and telling me this will help how?” I grab the box of donuts in the fridge and close it.

“I just want to make up for it. I love you, bro.” he says.

“Oh please.” I shove him aside and walk back to my room. I close the door and sit on the floor, and start eating the donuts.

My throat started burning and before I knew it, my face was filled with tears.

My brother's presence on its own is a remember of all the times he wasn't there and I was dying alone. All the times I just needed an older brother.

Someone knocks on the door. “River, it's me. Can I come in?” Sam says.

“No. Go away.” I say between sobs and quickly wipe the tears on my face.

“Please. I'll leave if you still want me to go, but please just let me in and hear me out.” she says.

I wipe my eyes again and make sure my face is dry, and stand up to open to the door.

I walk back in and sit on the same position, on the floor. She closes the door and sits on the floor, next to me.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“I'm fine.” I say.

“Your eyes are red. And I know that's not from smoking. Do you wanna talk about it?” she says.

I look at her, and look at my hands again. “I just don't wanna see him.”

“Who, your brother?” she asks.

“Yes, him. I don't even know why he's right now. He wasn't here when I needed him to be. You know I got assaulted by his 19 year old friend who came over looking for him when I was 14? I slept in a men's toilet at a bar because i was scared to even come home, because his friend started coming over regularly and doing the same thing to me over and over and over again. I'm not blaming him for any of the things that happened, but if he was atleast there maybe I wouldn't have went through half the things I went through. Or atleast if he was there to support me after they happened. I literally would go 5 days without eating anything because there wasn't anything to eat! Goddamn, I remember when ran away from a man with a knife who was trying to rob the house. I just needed him...to be there. You know. I just- I can't-” I close my eyes and tears start flooding my face.

Sam embraces me in a hug so start, and I just start crying my lungs out.