We Each Have Our Reasons

Chapter Sixteen: I Love You Too

I dread my body out of bed. I cannot believe it's already 5am. It feels like I had only 2 hours of sleep. Maybe I did.

I get ready for school and hope that the day will go fast. I was lucky because I walked out of the house without bumping into my mom or brother.

I take Khulna out of the garage and ride to school. I part her in the lot and get inside the school building. It seems a lot more crowded than it usually is around here.

As I walk down the school halls, people give me stares and unidentified looks.

I get to my locker and put my books in. “Hey. You good?” Tanae says as she stands next to me.

I close my locker. “Yep. And you?”

She looks at me for a long time. Then finally says “Your eyes are swollen. You've been crying.”

“Yes, I have. But I just don't wanna talk about it right now if that's okay.” I sigh.

She nods. “Okay, that's fine. Don't you want some make up to cover that up so people don't ask what's wrong?”

I nod. “Lets go to the bathroom then.” she smiles. We walk to the bathroom hand in hand.

“I can't believe what great skin you have.” Tanae says as she does my makeup.

I smile. “Smooth as newborn baby.”

“Okay don't push it.” she says and I laugh. We get done and just end up sitting on the chairs that are in the bathroom.

“Is your mom like...open to gay couples?” Tanae asks.

I look at her. “Why are we talking about my mom?”

“I'm just asking gosh nevermind.” she rolls her eyes.

“Aw babe don't be angry with me.” I smile at her.

She looks at me. “I'm not.” 
But I know she's very irritated.

“I'm sorry.” I kiss her cheek. She just looks at me.

“Babe?” I shift and sit on her so my legs are around her waist. “I'm sorry.” I kiss her forehead.

I collide my lips with hers and slowly start straddling my hips into her. “Fuck.” she moans into my mouth.

“You forgive me now?” I whisper in her eye.

“Yes.” she says. I kiss her one more time. “Why are you giving me a lap dance if we can't have sex? You must enjoy teasing me huh?” she asks.

“What do you mean we can't have sex?” I laugh at her.

She stares at me. “Isn't your...you know, stitched up?”

I laugh at her. “Babe, the stitches are inside way up near my abdomen. Not on my vagina lol.”

“Oh. That is just scary.” she says.

“I'm getting them removed this weekend though. It's been a long month.” I sigh.

She puts her hands on my waist and starts kissing me again. Until someone walks into the bathroom and looks at us.

“The fuck you looking at?” I ask her and she walks away annoyed.

“Told you this is not the place.” Tanae laughs. We both get up and walk to our different classes.

I had most of my classes with Ty, and she kept telling me about this this girl she "thinks" she has feelings for. Her name is Lani.

Tyler genuinely seems happy talking about her and I hope it lasts. I hate seeing Ty heart broken or confused, because she always blames herself.

“What an exhausting day, oh my god I just wanna take a warm bath and go to bed.” I say as Ty and I walk out the school gate.

“You know you've got a check up at the doctor today right?” Ty says.

“What! Like right now? I am so tired.” I heavily sigh.

“Yes right now. It's in 30 minutes. Maya said she'll meet us there, she wants to see how you're doing.” Ty says.

I nod. “I'll meet you there. I bought Khulna and I can't leave her here so you take your car and I'll take her.”

“Okay.”

Honestly, I am very grateful to Maya, because if it wasn't for her I might have bled till I lost conscious. Or even worse, someone else could've came along and done something worse to me.

So I will forever feel thankful to her for helping me that night.

I get on my bike and drive to the hospital.

I got there in just 15 minutes and had to wait for Ty to arrive. Cars and being slow.

“Hey, River. How are you doing?” Maya said and hugged me. I smiled at her. “I've been doing great. Although I cannot wait to get this stitches out of me. I've never been this annoyed with myself.” I replied.

“It must be annoying. You're removing them Saturday right?” she asks.

I nod. “Yep. And I can't wait to have sex on that Sunday, goddamn.”

She laughs. “Oh my god it's only been a month and you're dying.”

“I'm joking. I probably won't be ready to have sexual activity in like a long time. Because even though i am not vocal about this, it does hurt to go through this much.” I sigh. I've been sighing a lot today.

“Dont rush yourself into anything! You need to take time and heal. Emotionally.” she holds my hand.

“Yeah but I don't have time to sit around and cry about it. Life goes on.” I shrug.

“River, have you actually took time and allowed yourself to be hurt about it? Putting on this big girl act will not help you in any way. Trust me. Deal with it. Now.”

Ty arrives with Tanae as if on cue. Tanae sits next to me and I immediately hold her hand tightly. I don't know why but I am suddenly very nervous.

I don't think I appreciate the people that I do have around me enough. I constantly sulk and moan about the people whom I can't rely on, and forget that I have people who are there for me, genuinely.

The doctor calls me in and I walked in. The check up went by fast and I was good to go.

“What'd the doctor say?” Ty asks.

“She said I've healed just fine and we're still going to remove the stitches on Saturday.” I play with my fingers because I am so nervous.

“Relax, you'll be fine.” Tanae whispers next to me and grabs my hand into hers.

We all walk out the hospital. “Do you wanna sleep over?” I ask Tanae.

“I can't, I'm grounded. I'm not even supposed to be here right now.” she laughs. “But do you wanna sleep over at my house?”

“Yes!”

We all say our goodbyes and part ways.
Tanae didn't bring her car so she rode with me on Khulna and we went to my house and a few of my things. I left a note that said 'sleeping over at a friend's tonight. xx' for my mom.

We then went to her house. Her mom wasn't as angry when Tanae told her why she was out. I mean, the real reason.

“Ight goodnight y'all. And please, leave the door open.” Tanae's sister said to us as she walked past Tanae's room.

Tanae rolled her eyes and shut the door, and locked it.

“Do you want to talk about why you were crying, yet?” Tanae asks, she lays on my chest as I play with her hair.

“All I wanna say is, I hate my brother. That's all.” I reply.

“Okay. And I'll take that. It'll be fine in the end.” she says.

“I hope so. I really do.” I sigh for the hundredth time today.

Tanae yawns. “I love you.” I hear say softly.

“I love you too.” I smile and close my eyes.