Him |Zarry|

26.

I didn't how to feel when he left, I was standing right there and didn't wanna move from there. I was feeling exposed, felt like someone has seen too much of me and I can't undo it.

I'm not like this, he's right, I do hide some part of me from the world because I believe that they don't deserve to know that. I was having too many thoughts, there was a hurricane of emotions. I wasn't mad because, to be honest, I kinda had a good time with him, it's just something in him. I just no longer feel in control of myself, as if he controls my emotions. 

One moment I was deep mad with him and now I feel either too many things or just nothing, there's nothing in between. I wanted to be mad with him, I wanted to throw my tantrums at him, but in the end, who am I to him exactly, in the end, what does he think about me. One moment I know that he's playing with my emotions but then the next moment he gets serious. I kinda felt good when showed concern about my studies. I know he's serious about studies too, that's why he's just not someone or some other guy he's serious about his future, and that's what I find attractive about him. His passion towards himself, to be honest, I do wanna feel that much confidence. 

Even my dad was impressed too with just one meeting of few minutes. That's just his aura, his charisma to attract people towards him. And I know he doesn't give a shit about me, even right now when I'm wasting my time on him, he must be banging her. 

I closed my eyes, I just don't wanna imagine them together at all. Why is he messing with me, if he's with her then why does he coming back to me.

I smiled after thinking about it, coming back to me, I mean he's with Kendall then why still me. 

But right now all I think about is that he has seen those photos of me, my fucking nudes. I fucking regret not deleting them, and what the fuck he was thinking that I sent it to someone, ugh I don't know why it's just embarrassing for me.

"don't worry, I'm not judging you, everyone does that"  I rolled my eyes, all his comments he just kept adding fuel to the fire, as if I wasn't enough embarrassed. He knew I was uncomfortable but he kept making me more by saying more.

I was walking in my room, checking my phone, again and again, expecting a single text from him, but he wouldn't even mind texting me, why can't he do that. He knows I already feel so insecure right now, a single text would have been better. But again he proved me right, I am wasting my time on him, while he didn't even think about texting me.

Shouldn't I do something? But what exactly I can do, what's the point of stretching the thing. Ignore it Zee that's all fine.

I turned my phone off and went to sleep.

---

I knew the drill in college, he'd see and avoid me like I don't exist and I'd do the same as if I have a choice. I rolled my eyes and shut the locker.

"By the way, I'm still thinking about your nudes" I felt a shiver down my spine, I didn't turn around, I knew who it was, I smiled but was scared of it. His whisper was running inside my whole body.

I managed to turn around, he was walking off by looking back at me, smirking like a douche bag. I was smiling more like blushing. He messed up his hair, winked at me, looked straight then, and stroll away.

I don't know, but I'm thinking too much about Him. I don't want to cause I can't have him and I guess that is only why I want him more. Zayn he's just messing with you.

I keep reminding myself of these words cause I don't wanna fall for him. I can control my emotions.

But nowadays, I guess he decides. I rolled my eyes, ugh what have I even become. Bell rang, that's when I realized I missed the whole lecture just by dwelling myself into his thoughts.