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Part 21: Things Fall Apart: Max's Turn

Max POV

Impulsive.

She thinks I'm being impulsive.

How can she think that?

I admit, I have impulsivity issues and obsessions because of my ADHD- but she isn't an impulse.

I want that woman more than anything. I love her and I just want to be with her. I understand why she would needs a big wedding. I do.

All women want big weddings with floral arrangements, bridesmaids, a reception, the cake: all of it. It's their special day for them to look gorgeous.

Helen is already gorgeous.

If she wants to just throw a big party to celebrate us, then why can't we just throw a big party? Why do we have to do all this extra stuff. A courthouse to elope is no different than getting married in a church.

Going into the den across the hall, I lay down the couch and just sigh heavily.

I love her.

I love her so much it hurts.

Maybe I was being impulsive when I asked her to marry me.

After all, Georgia hasn't been gone more than two years almost. It's took soon for all of this. Moving on with Helen was fast.

But proposing and buying a house.

Yeah....maybe that was impulsive.

But it's not that I don't want to be doing all this.

My problem is, when I want something- it is very hard to expel it from my mind. It bothers me and sits and pesters me until I get what I want done with the desired result achieved.

Logically, my brain told me to propose as soon as possible because then no one else can take Helen from me. No one can charm her because she'll be by my side- my wife.

It's illogical- I know, but it makes sense to me. That fear and anxiety of losing her overtakes my ethical standing and it's only after the fact that I realize what I've done.

And now I'm here.

I said elope to her because waiting for me wasn't an option. The deed ahas to be done as soon as possible. We could keep it a secret to to ourselves until we want to tell everyone. I'm stupid to think Helen would want anything less than telling the world we're married. To share it with our friends and family.

Well what would my family say? What would Gwen and Calvin say?

They would think I just threw Georgia away like she meant nothing to me and that's simply not true.

I still love her.

I'll always love her.

But the fact of the matter is, is she's gone and I can't change that.

I'm certainly not trying to replace her.

Not even Helen can do that, but still.

I think we both forgot that my wife hasn't been gone that long because when you love someone- time doesn't seem to move and when it does- it's faster than a blink.

Staring at the ceiling, I drown myself in these thoughts- a new obsession forming but one that will never get the results I require.

Look at this pathetic man I've become. Hiding away instead of opening up to the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

If this relationship goes belly up, it will be my fault. I can't communicate properly with Helen and I certainly don't want her to feel this whole thing was a mistake.